building your dream has to start now

many would know what it feels like to be a magician who pulls a rabbit out of a hat, but few would ever wonder what it feels like to be the rabbit in the hat. what does the rabbit feel when it's in there? fear? tranquility? or maybe angst?

if i were the rabbit, i would be ardent.

my moment of fame.

all eyes on me. 

the star of the room. 

if i were the rabbit, i would feel dismal.

my short-lived glory. 

the spotlight put aside.

back into the darkness.

if i were the rabbit, i would pray and hope.

when would i be allowed out again?

to feel alive.

to feel like for once in my life, 

just this once,

i belong somewhere.

i looked round and i knew there was no turning back.

happy 2014, everyone!

i know i haven't posted in a while, but i just felt like i needed some time to myself. to just rethink my life and my goal (again). having time to yourself is so important and i cannot stress it enough.

well, 2013 has been one of the (excuse my language) shittiest years of my life. hell, it was the shittiest. things just did not work out. heartbreak after heartbreak. disappointment after disappointment. i even contemplated on killing myself. it was that bad. BUT it's all over now, isn't it? 2014 it's a brand new year.

2014 has been great up till now. i'm happy. i feel motivated and i feel like i can conquer the world. with the support of my loved ones, i know i'm invincible. i guess i was just too proud and ignorant to see that last year and concentrated on the people who did not matter in my life. maybe it's time to just stop caring what other people saw of me. that's one of my unrealistically many new year resolutions.

another one of my new year resolutions is to lose weight. i've lost 7 kg since the end of november last year, so i'm feeling pretty good about myself. if you're thinking: "sam, but you just said you're not gonna care what people think anymore." i'm not. i just want to be the best version of myself. i want to look in the mirror and like what i see. that's all. i mean, if other people are going to be mean, they'll always find ways. i just want to be healthy and have that amazing bikini body. it's my year after all. also i'm only eighteen once. if this is not the time i get the perfect body and flaunt it, when would be the perfect time?

i guess after i've entered adulthood, i've really matured. i've always believed that life isn't about the results but the ride, BUT i think maybe the result is important too. you know what you're aiming for and you work hard for it. that was the thing that was missing last year. i wasn't focused. i didn't have a plan, but now i do. the future actually looks fairly bright. maybe i can actually succeed for once. wish me luck.

p.s. you know what would be so nice right now? a nutella crepe. yes i said it. a nutella crepe. god i'm so hungry.