she was holdin' a pair, but i had to try

so when you're home with your family, you probably would watch a movie or chat. well this isn't what we do in the lee abode. we gamble. big two, poker, black jack, you name it. however, our favourite has always been mahjong. i've been playing since i was in year two. impressive i know. 

today was another normal (gambling) day in the lee's household. as always, my brother was winning. he doesn't really have the skills, but he has the luck. i mean who needs skills when you have luck? he WAS winning until this.

i won't need to explain how good this combo is to people who play mahjong. to people who don't play mahjong, this is harder than winning the lottery, which is 1 in 13,983,816. i'm not the best in maths, but my godbrother helped me calculate the probability of getting this combo and he said some number with seventeen zeros. that doesn't really mean anything to me. all i know this combo has gotten me 300 HKD or 3000 points.

god, i just love home.

an oath to never stop loving movies

everytime i see something related to pixar or dreamworks, it upsets me. it's not that the movies aren't good or that i don't like them. it's because i like them too much. even since i had watched my first pixar movie toy story when i was a very young child, i've been hooked. the movies themselves are incredibly detailed and as a self-confessed movie addict, this is what i want to find in every movie.

my favourite animated movie is either how to train your dragon, up or rise of the guardians. doesn't matter how old i turn, i will still cry every time i watch these movies. no joke. how can you NOT cry when you see hiccup willing of giving up his life for his dragon, or when ellie dies, or when jamie can finally see jack frost? these movies aren't the most realistic of all movies, but they are the ones that touch my heart and remain memorable throughout my life.

little expressions and details. up is the best movie in the world

i've watched these movies so many times i can quote them. just like mean girls and she's the man. however, when you say "i can quote cartoons" out loud, it's not as respected as "i can quote mean girls and she's the man". people look at me like i'm three, but i don't care. sometimes staying innocent is just what i want. seriously i mean who wouldn't want to go to school everyday and still enjoy it? i don't hate school now, but i can't say i love every moment of it.

you might say, if you enjoy it that much, why won't you go work for pixar or something? crazily enough, i actually have thought about doing art, maths, physics and photography to do art in university, which means i would be able to maybe get a job in pixar. however, even though i'm passionate about it, it doesn't mean i'm good at it. art, in fact, is the subject i've done the worst in. also, a girl's gotta eat. therefore i gotta do what a person's gotta do to get money. that's why i've chosen to do law in uni. don't get me wrong. i do like law, but do i like it so much i'd want to spend every moment of the rest of my life doing it? hell no. yikes.

i love art and photography. i adore cinematography. however, it's not practical for me to do it in university. my father's got four kids, and if all his kids did an arts degree then a law conversion, he would die from all the money he would need to pay for our universities. some would say "if you've got a passion, go ahead and do it". i can't. i can't be selfish and just let my dad suffer. i know it won't do a lot, but every little helps when you have four kids who breathe in money.

however, nothing on this world and i stress NOTHING will ever make me stop loving animated movies, or even just movies. even though most people don't notice this, producers and directors put so much effort into these movies, months, sometimes even years, so people who watch these would have a good time. so dear producers, i salute you and i thank you, for making my childhood a better memory.

how can anyone not love this?

when you gonna live you life right?

hong kong. where do i start? let's just list some facts first.

• it's one of the smallest cities in the whole world
• it has an amazing railway service - and i mean it. it's greaaat.
• it's a beautiful place
• it's home

i went out for supper with a great friend today and we caught sight of the amazing skyline. he started teaching me how to properly use a camera. what to do when there's a lot of light. what to do when i don't want a shadow to look that way. i've always loved photography, but this has opened my eyes to a whole new world. photography gives me a fresh new perspective to see the world and i like that. 

i guess when one over-thinks, everything one sees, one can relate to life. that was what i was like when i took all these photos. photography is like life. you'd always want the best out of a photo. i want the light to hit the object in this direction and only on that area. i want that boat out of the way. i want to calm the waves. however what do you know what's the best until you've tried all ways?

"how do you know which shutter speed and what size of the aperture to use?"

"you don't. you just need to try until you get the best photo. you won't really know what is perfect until you've seen the imperfect ones and improve from them."

my friend is only four months older than me, yet he's so much more mature than i am. he doesn't just know how to survive, which is what i'm doing, but he's living his life. he knows what he wants and he works for it. i felt slightly ashamed when he was talking about how he picked up photography and learnt himself. i always say to myself: "sam, it's ok if you don't know how to, no one really taught you", but that's not the way to go. i'm not hungry enough to find the knowledge and learn it and make it mine.

i'm one of those kids, who never knows what she wants to do in the future. i have no special passion and no burning desire to study one particular subject in university. hence law. i do like law, but am i passionate about it? let's be honest, it's kinda hard to be passionate about a legal system. i'm still going to do it in university. i'm that kind of girl who prefers bread more than love. a girl's gotta eat you know.

however, now i know i'm passionate about something too. i want to live. i want to feel alive. photography takes me there. another reason why i love photography is that i like the fact that no photo i take would ever be the same as another. just like my experiences in life. not a single feeling is the same if you think about it. today i'm happy and satisfied. tomorrow i might be satisfied, but not happy. yesterday, i was happy, but not satisfied. i'm constantly changing, just like the photos i take. it's always about balancing everything out.

as i have mentioned in the last post i've written, i have been down and battered. i'm tired. i constantly feel sick of myself. sick of the fact that i can't even protect myself from the pain. when i looked through the viewfinder of my camera and saw the beautiful sea, the thought of just jumping in and terminating all the trouble i'm going through was very very tempting. then my friend said,

"it's hard to grab hold onto so dynamic and it's always easier to just choose something else, but there is a certain attractiveness to this."

i looked at him. in the future, when i'm sixty, i'll look back at this time of my life and i'll smile. i won't laugh, but i'll pat myself on the back for not ending everything right there. it is hard to be remembered and to leave a mark on the earth. it's easier to just end this all right there, but is it the best way? i haven't left my mark yet. i haven't experienced anything. i haven't lived.

it was time to go home and i looked one last time at the beautiful harbour. hong kong is such a beautiful place. not only is it beautiful, it has taught me so much. it's a place of hope and dreams. yesterday i was at the worst position in my whole life. today i'm doing well. tomorrow i'm going conquer the world. metaphorically. i won't go around shooting innocent civilians. pinky promise.

to the person who taught me how to take photos:

life is hard right now for you too. i know. just remember no matter how hard it is, it will pass. also the harder you've gone through, the easier the next obstacle will be. one day, when you're sixty and four months old, you and i will be standing at the same spot on the side of the harbour, talking how life's whizzed by and how memories last. you've taught me so much and inspired me so much. i cannot thank you enough. thank you. thank you for teaching me how to take photos. thank you for cheering me up today and giving me hope. thank you for sharing your darkest secrets with me. thank you for being alive and awesome. i cannot be more grateful to have you in my life. i don't just care about you. i respect you with all my heart.

don't forget how to relax. it's bad for your health to be too uptight. smile a little more. you look nicer with a smile hanging off your face. it takes 33 muscles to frown, but it only takes 13 to smile. you can also use 4 to slap that bitch hard if you want, but violence is not promoted in our society unfortunately. no matter what happens, even if the sky falls down, i would be there for you. just say it and i'll come to you. it's hard right now, but it'll be ok. i promise.

why, sometimes i believe six impossible things before breakfast

one of the biggest problems i need to deal with after i've come home is definitely jet lag. for you those who don't really know what jet lag is, it messes you over and makes you hungry at the wrong timings. not good. jet lag usually lasts for around 1 week for me. quelle horreur, je sais. so for a whole week, i sleep at 3 in the morning and wake up at 10. this doesn't sound that bad, but when everyone else in the family wakes up at 7 and sleeps at 11 at night, it's a problem.

so this morning, when i was still in the state between having consciousness and just down right dead, i felt my phone vibrate. i looked at it. it's my brother.

"sam, me and chloe are having breakfast at oliver's super sandwiches, do you want something?"

"ermm, what's there in the shop for breakfast?"

"i'll send you the menu and you can decide, yeh?"

so then my brother sent me a whole 5-paged breakfast menu. i chose the one i wanted and started messing about. around twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang and in came my brother, with a plastic bag in his hand. 

"you didn't tell me what you wanted to drink, so i decided you might enjoy a chocolate"

i know it's just a breakfast and it's not usually a big thing. however when everything else goes against your plan and someone shows them they care, it's impossible to not feel grateful. i know most of the time sometimes siblings can be a pain in the ass, they do care and they are the ones you can rely on. 

a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. i guess it's just the same with women. it's always good to start the day with a good breakfast, because it gives you the energy. arnold schwarzenegger once said: "my body is like breakfast, lunch and dinner. i don't think about, i just have it." you are what you eat, so go ahead and get something nice for breakfast. it'll do you wonders.

the chocolate my brother has decided i might enjoy. i couldn't finish the whole thing but it was nice

that looks so yummy. i won't mind eating another.

keep calm and relax my ass off

summer has officially started for me and so i packed my bags/suitcases and hopped onto a plane to hong kong, which is home. even though i am sad about leaving school and my friends behind, it's just great going back home and spending time with my family. so when i saw my mom and co. at the airport, i was over the moon. 

the heat in hong kong is almost unbearable, so i had chosen to go straight back home right after my flight journey to just shower and sort out my life basically. the air-conditioning is on and it felt like heaven in the flat. then this grabbed my attention.

my poor sofa. apparently the new ones on its way. thank god.

someone has broken the sofa. after a long period of interrogation, i found out that my brother and my god-brother are the culprits. boys boys boys. apparently my brother was on the sofa, watching tv, while my god-brother decided it was a good idea to just sit on my brother. well i think not.

as you can see in the next picture, i have successfully marked my territory at home with my laptop and other random bits of items i own. i mean there are four kids at home, so if i don't move fast, i won't get anywhere to just sit down and chill on my laptop. this does in fact feel a little like a dog peeing over land to show the others who's boss. in my household, i am.

i'm proud to announce sam is the winner of the pissing contest.

 my brother's favourite spot in the whole flat for sure. there's actually a reason why it is though. if you look straight, you see the ginormous tv with all kinds of game consoles and machines and whatnots. if you look right, you see the view of the balcony and sometimes a little strip of sunset. if you look left, you look directly into the kitchen / the food prepared. the science of choosing where to sit.

i then ventured into my room next. in order to make it more homey, i've lit a candle and it's still sitting quietly in a corner burning away. it smells like lemon tarts. i mean why not? even though it's meant to be a christmas scent, it's my (and my sister's) room, so i'm just going to do whatever i want unless momma lee gets involved (she never plays fair).

ain't this cute? my little baby fisheye-lomography-colourful-cutsy film camera that hangs off my keys. might have to get if off my keys though. last time when i had them on, i couldn't open the doors, because my hands were too small to handle that bundle in my hand. did i mention i have a teddy bear about the size of a tennis ball hanging off my keys? haha maybe not.

my little fish eye <3 it actually takes picture.

this is the intellectual corner. just looking at it makes me feel smart. sadly my sister has contributed into this little pile. right now i need to get on and just read as much as i can. next book on the reading list: paradise lost - john milton.

as you can see, there's quite a lot for me to go through. but hell, i've got a whole summer.

i have decided to add a photo of me dressing up as a bride when i was a child. my mom has always wanted me to get married and to have a family of my own. do i want that? hell i don't know, i'm only seventeen and i refuse to make life-changing decisions (other than university choices). but yeh, here is a photo of me fancy-dressing. i was very very cute.

looooook at those chubby chubby cheeks. god i was adorable

home slippers. may i just add, these are the smallest pair i can find in the whole flat and now they're mine. my preeeecious. it's not like anyone's got big feet in the family. my mom and my sister are a size 36. i'm a 37. my dad's a 38. my brother's a 41. my god-brother's a 43. but look at these, i swear they're like a size 50 or whatsoever. doesn't mean i don't love them though. they're just so comfy.

white and oversized slippers. gotta love anything oversized <3

although coming home is a wonderful thing, something always happens against our wills and we humans, who have no control over matters like these, call it misfortunes. however in my case, it's worse and more serious than just misfortune. one of my four dogs is in hospital and in critical conditions. she has a malfunctioning liver and i don't even know if she is actually alright or not right now. to those who don't have any pets, pets are just like family, and i really don't know what to do without any single one of mine.

bebe, if you can hear me, don't worry about anything. i'm home now and i'll come see you tomorrow. be strong my baby girl. i promise it won't be as hard as the last time you were in hospital. you can show them who's the boss and come home healthy. it's just another obstacle and you'll be fine. i'll get a cake and we can celebrate when you're out. i love you and stay strong girl. come home soon, we all miss you.

my baby girl when she was healthy. you'll do great. i have faith in you.

summer's begun and i'm planning to just enjoy myself. it's not like i'm always home. also it's the last summer before i turn eighteen / legal. whooop can't wait. so right now i'm going to relax and just let everything run its course. summer here i come.