dancing with my moonlit shadow.

so before i go on with the post, it's always helpful to just remind you of the fact that i am chinese; and what that means is that we have a lot of festivals. i mean A LOT. we have dragon boat festival, children's festival, and all that jazz. however one of my favourite would always be mid-autumn festival.

so because i don't really know how to explain to you what moon-cakes are and what is the mid-autumn festival, click me. basically, mid-autumn festival is a festival that happens every year in mid-autumn, if you haven't had guessed, when the moon is the roundest. moon-cakes are just the food we eat on this celebration.

one of the most fundamental things about mid-autumn festival is people usually spend it with their families. it's great because when i was in school in hong kong, we used to get let out of school early and we would have the next day off. sweet isn't it? however, the main point of the whole dinner and playtime with family, is just to remind you how important family is to you.

yesterday my sister took me out to dinner, because obviously she's the dearest and only family in the uk. besides who wouldn't want to spend mid-autumn festival with an annoying younger sister? i'm not going to lie. i've lived with my sister my whole life and this is the only year we've been apart, because now she's in university and i'm really really missing her.

"mom got you moon-cakes. here, take them."

when i was a kid i never liked moon-cake, but after i've left home to study in bristol, my views have definitely changed. don't get me wrong, i still don't really like the taste of it. it's just so sickly and sweet, but it means that someone in your family is missing you and would send or bring you some moon-cakes.

so today i was busy battling through my work and i came across this in my drawer. the peninsula moon-cakes. they're the best. they're so good i don't actually mind them. yeh they're that good. to me, they're not just little pastries that we get in festivals, but the love and care my dad and mom have given to me.

you would probably think, how does it show papa and mama's love? well it does.

1. they gave the best to me - it's not just moon-cakes, but everything. they're so used to it, they just voluntarily give the best to me without a second thought
2. they remember me - this sounds ridiculous, but when you know someone's missing you somewhere, it's just great you know. feels like everything is worth it and it would all be fine.

you might still think i'm exaggerating, but no i am not. you can think what you're thinking. it doesn't change how much i love my parents.

they just taste so good. the peninsula ones. i don't even know what's in them. *checks label* there is wheat flour, sugar, butter, eggs, salted duck egg yolks, custard powder, colour, milk powder, coconut milk, condesed milk, malt sugar, corn starch, tapioca starch, salt, honey. wow that's quite a mouthful and very very fattening. i guess i'll need to start running laps again, but hey they're worth it.

the moment i finished that little piece of delight, my friend came in, with one spoon in her right hand and a half-cut moon-cake in the other.

"it's mid-autumn festival. want some moon-cake?"

yes was obviously the answer. i know i said i don't like moon-cakes, but when you're on a role, you just want to continue. just like watching tv and playing videos games. you just can't stop. well also, my friend bothered to remember that i'm, in fact, chinese like her and that i miss home too. really it's the thought that counts the most.

here's my friend with a moon-cake and a spoon. and her garfield pjs. haha

when i was in school in hong kong, i learnt this chinese song / poem, which the poet, su shi wrote in the memory of his brother during mid-autumn festival.

水調歌頭 蘇軾
明月幾時有，把酒問青天？
不知天上宮闕，今夕是何年。


我欲乘風歸去，唯恐瓊樓玉宇，高處不勝寒。
起舞弄清影，何似在人間。

轉朱閣，低綺戶。照無眠。
不應有恨，何事長向別時圓？
人有悲歡離合，月有陰晴圓缺，此事古難全。

i know it sucks for you non-chinese readers, so i wikipedia-ed found the english translation of it. also, just let me attach a song with this poem as its lyrics. if you want to listen to this song, CLICK ME.

thinking of you - su shi
when will the moon be clear and bright?
with a cup of wine in my hand, i ask the blue sky.
in the heavens on this night,
i wonder what season it would be?

i'd like to ride the wind to fly home.
yet i fear the crystal and jade mansions
are much too high and cold for me.
dancing with my moonlit shadow,
it does not seem like the human world.

the moon rounds the red mansion,
stoops to silk-pad doors,
shines upon the sleepless,
bearing no grudge,
why does the moon tend to be full when people are apart?

people have sorrow or joy, be near or far apart,
the moon may be dim or bright; round or crescent shaped,
this imperfection has been going on since the beginning of time.
may we all be blessed with longevity,
though thousand miles apart, we are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

happy mid-autumn festival you all.

i have a dentist who's over seven feet tall

Now that you have had a chance to look over the photos, in the first one you might not have noticed that the lady has an extra finger on her hand. In the second one we have an extra arm resting on the guys shoulder and in the last one the guy is missing an ear. So what do you think? Was the add successful is demonstrating that food remaining on your teeth will draw more attention away from you than any physical defect?

i like my teeth clean

this shows my exact views on dental health care and hygiene. a nice smile is always more preferable than a dirty one. so i went with the rest of my siblings to our annual dentist appointment. my brother went first, as the guinea pig that he always has been, to get his teeth cleaned and polished. then it was my turn. it hurt quite a bit, as he drilled my gums with a driller to get the dirt out (gross i know, but hey i thought you'd want the details, even the gory ones). 

polishing was no big deal, it was like putting little rocks on your teeth and the dentist literally polished my teeth with them. the highlight of polishing is when you still have rocks in your mouth that you haven't rinsed out. it's like biting sand, but sweet sand. how cool is that?

yeh the process did hurt a bit and blood did gush out (again, gory details), but it was definitely worth it. the dentist said:"sam, you've got such white teeth. maybe if school doesn't work out, you can try being a toothpaste / teeth model!"

i hope school doesn't work out, so i can see my face on billboards and on buses. i'd be able to say and even scream:"i'm that famous teeth model. you see my teeth on buses and on billboards and even taxis!"

my teeth now sparkle under any kind of light. yes.

quite a stroll down memory lane.

"i walk down memory lane because i know that i'll run into you there." - unknown

i am a very sentimental being and i always try to avoid looking at old photos. photos are there for a reason: to remind you of the past and to look forward to making new memories. i, as a kid, had always loved taking pictures and being taken. however, as i grew up, i started drifting away from the whole modelling-for-a-camera business and started taking pictures of my own. first it was a white sony cybershot. then it was a white olympus e pl-1. now i am a proud owner of a canon 600d. 

picture quality is getting better and better, but the feeling while taking photos does not necessarily correspond with the quality. the first thing that popped into mind was "hell, why would i wear something like this?", or "wow, i was skinny once", or even "thank god i don't pose like this anymore". then i looked again. yes, the quality of the pictures are incomparable with the ones now, but look at me. look at us. everything is so genuine. going on my first boat trip, going to japan for the first time, feeding my dad's horse for the first time. these are all so nostalgic to me. 

i've always been a lucky girl. my family is on the wealthy side of the spectrum. we're not the wealthiest, but we're ok. travelling has always been on the family summer agenda. japan, usa, canada, hawaii, singapore, cambodia. these places we've all been. that's why i'm getting used to the fact that we travel a lot. don't get me wrong, i still get excited when i go, but nowhere near how excited i once was when i first set foot in the tokyo airport. 

walking down memory lane isn't about finding my childhood crush, or that odd person who always went on the same trip as us (trust me, there were families that went to the same trips with us and we didn't even know them). it's about finding myself. that feeling of adventure and experiencing new things. i love my life now, but sometimes it's always good to just take a moment to recap the past. 

to all that are disillusioned or down for the moment, 

things will work out at the end. you've done great so far and don't let one thing bring you down. i know everyone's got bad moments, but please you can do it as long as you believe you can. it's all worth it at the end of the day. 

this is obviously a posed photo.

i haven't seen my brother in swimming trucks for 3 years. this is greeeaaat.

we just looked so happy.

all i want is the wind in my hair, to face the fear but not feel scared

"me? i'm scared of everything! i'm scared of what i saw. i'm scared of what i did, of who i am. and most of all, i'm scare of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life... the way i feel when i'm with you!" - baby, "dirty dancing"

pretty much sums up my fears

i guess people deal with their fears everyday. i'm not afraid of many things; i'm fearless, but i'll always be scared no matter how old i grow. the worst. definitely knowing you don't matter anymore to someone. that's the worst. oh and bugs. they creepy too.

fingers crossed

results day today. right now i'm feeling like this.

hope things are gonna go fine.

she was holdin' a pair, but i had to try

so when you're home with your family, you probably would watch a movie or chat. well this isn't what we do in the lee abode. we gamble. big two, poker, black jack, you name it. however, our favourite has always been mahjong. i've been playing since i was in year two. impressive i know. 

today was another normal (gambling) day in the lee's household. as always, my brother was winning. he doesn't really have the skills, but he has the luck. i mean who needs skills when you have luck? he WAS winning until this.

i won't need to explain how good this combo is to people who play mahjong. to people who don't play mahjong, this is harder than winning the lottery, which is 1 in 13,983,816. i'm not the best in maths, but my godbrother helped me calculate the probability of getting this combo and he said some number with seventeen zeros. that doesn't really mean anything to me. all i know this combo has gotten me 300 HKD or 3000 points.

god, i just love home.

grandpa, take me back to yesterday, where the line between right and wrong didn't seem so hazy.

do i really want to grow up?

i've always wanted to grow up. growing up just seemed like the right thing to do. however, lately i've been having other thoughts. i don't even know if i'm the same person anymore.

my mother said "sam, do you not like coming home anymore? our views on life and things are just so different". i still like going home, but i cannot deny how much i've changed. the way i dress, the way i talk, the way i act.

anyways, growing up seems so much of a hassle right now. might just stop growing for a bit and just stay young. meeh i don't know.

http://thetangential.com/2011/10/12/things-about-adulthood-that-i-expected-would-be-way-cooler/

an oath to never stop loving movies

everytime i see something related to pixar or dreamworks, it upsets me. it's not that the movies aren't good or that i don't like them. it's because i like them too much. even since i had watched my first pixar movie toy story when i was a very young child, i've been hooked. the movies themselves are incredibly detailed and as a self-confessed movie addict, this is what i want to find in every movie.

my favourite animated movie is either how to train your dragon, up or rise of the guardians. doesn't matter how old i turn, i will still cry every time i watch these movies. no joke. how can you NOT cry when you see hiccup willing of giving up his life for his dragon, or when ellie dies, or when jamie can finally see jack frost? these movies aren't the most realistic of all movies, but they are the ones that touch my heart and remain memorable throughout my life.

little expressions and details. up is the best movie in the world

i've watched these movies so many times i can quote them. just like mean girls and she's the man. however, when you say "i can quote cartoons" out loud, it's not as respected as "i can quote mean girls and she's the man". people look at me like i'm three, but i don't care. sometimes staying innocent is just what i want. seriously i mean who wouldn't want to go to school everyday and still enjoy it? i don't hate school now, but i can't say i love every moment of it.

you might say, if you enjoy it that much, why won't you go work for pixar or something? crazily enough, i actually have thought about doing art, maths, physics and photography to do art in university, which means i would be able to maybe get a job in pixar. however, even though i'm passionate about it, it doesn't mean i'm good at it. art, in fact, is the subject i've done the worst in. also, a girl's gotta eat. therefore i gotta do what a person's gotta do to get money. that's why i've chosen to do law in uni. don't get me wrong. i do like law, but do i like it so much i'd want to spend every moment of the rest of my life doing it? hell no. yikes.

i love art and photography. i adore cinematography. however, it's not practical for me to do it in university. my father's got four kids, and if all his kids did an arts degree then a law conversion, he would die from all the money he would need to pay for our universities. some would say "if you've got a passion, go ahead and do it". i can't. i can't be selfish and just let my dad suffer. i know it won't do a lot, but every little helps when you have four kids who breathe in money.

however, nothing on this world and i stress NOTHING will ever make me stop loving animated movies, or even just movies. even though most people don't notice this, producers and directors put so much effort into these movies, months, sometimes even years, so people who watch these would have a good time. so dear producers, i salute you and i thank you, for making my childhood a better memory.

how can anyone not love this?

when you gonna live you life right?

hong kong. where do i start? let's just list some facts first.

• it's one of the smallest cities in the whole world
• it has an amazing railway service - and i mean it. it's greaaat.
• it's a beautiful place
• it's home

i went out for supper with a great friend today and we caught sight of the amazing skyline. he started teaching me how to properly use a camera. what to do when there's a lot of light. what to do when i don't want a shadow to look that way. i've always loved photography, but this has opened my eyes to a whole new world. photography gives me a fresh new perspective to see the world and i like that. 

i guess when one over-thinks, everything one sees, one can relate to life. that was what i was like when i took all these photos. photography is like life. you'd always want the best out of a photo. i want the light to hit the object in this direction and only on that area. i want that boat out of the way. i want to calm the waves. however what do you know what's the best until you've tried all ways?

"how do you know which shutter speed and what size of the aperture to use?"

"you don't. you just need to try until you get the best photo. you won't really know what is perfect until you've seen the imperfect ones and improve from them."

my friend is only four months older than me, yet he's so much more mature than i am. he doesn't just know how to survive, which is what i'm doing, but he's living his life. he knows what he wants and he works for it. i felt slightly ashamed when he was talking about how he picked up photography and learnt himself. i always say to myself: "sam, it's ok if you don't know how to, no one really taught you", but that's not the way to go. i'm not hungry enough to find the knowledge and learn it and make it mine.

i'm one of those kids, who never knows what she wants to do in the future. i have no special passion and no burning desire to study one particular subject in university. hence law. i do like law, but am i passionate about it? let's be honest, it's kinda hard to be passionate about a legal system. i'm still going to do it in university. i'm that kind of girl who prefers bread more than love. a girl's gotta eat you know.

however, now i know i'm passionate about something too. i want to live. i want to feel alive. photography takes me there. another reason why i love photography is that i like the fact that no photo i take would ever be the same as another. just like my experiences in life. not a single feeling is the same if you think about it. today i'm happy and satisfied. tomorrow i might be satisfied, but not happy. yesterday, i was happy, but not satisfied. i'm constantly changing, just like the photos i take. it's always about balancing everything out.

as i have mentioned in the last post i've written, i have been down and battered. i'm tired. i constantly feel sick of myself. sick of the fact that i can't even protect myself from the pain. when i looked through the viewfinder of my camera and saw the beautiful sea, the thought of just jumping in and terminating all the trouble i'm going through was very very tempting. then my friend said,

"it's hard to grab hold onto so dynamic and it's always easier to just choose something else, but there is a certain attractiveness to this."

i looked at him. in the future, when i'm sixty, i'll look back at this time of my life and i'll smile. i won't laugh, but i'll pat myself on the back for not ending everything right there. it is hard to be remembered and to leave a mark on the earth. it's easier to just end this all right there, but is it the best way? i haven't left my mark yet. i haven't experienced anything. i haven't lived.

it was time to go home and i looked one last time at the beautiful harbour. hong kong is such a beautiful place. not only is it beautiful, it has taught me so much. it's a place of hope and dreams. yesterday i was at the worst position in my whole life. today i'm doing well. tomorrow i'm going conquer the world. metaphorically. i won't go around shooting innocent civilians. pinky promise.

to the person who taught me how to take photos:

life is hard right now for you too. i know. just remember no matter how hard it is, it will pass. also the harder you've gone through, the easier the next obstacle will be. one day, when you're sixty and four months old, you and i will be standing at the same spot on the side of the harbour, talking how life's whizzed by and how memories last. you've taught me so much and inspired me so much. i cannot thank you enough. thank you. thank you for teaching me how to take photos. thank you for cheering me up today and giving me hope. thank you for sharing your darkest secrets with me. thank you for being alive and awesome. i cannot be more grateful to have you in my life. i don't just care about you. i respect you with all my heart.

don't forget how to relax. it's bad for your health to be too uptight. smile a little more. you look nicer with a smile hanging off your face. it takes 33 muscles to frown, but it only takes 13 to smile. you can also use 4 to slap that bitch hard if you want, but violence is not promoted in our society unfortunately. no matter what happens, even if the sky falls down, i would be there for you. just say it and i'll come to you. it's hard right now, but it'll be ok. i promise.

a little rant before bed

technology has improved immensely in the past few decades and so many people are to be thanked because of that. however who is the smart person who thought the idea of putting "last seen", "read at" and "last online" in messages? that person i'd like to thank your face with my fist. 

first of all, as a frequent message sender, i know the fear of people not replying and not seeing my message. back in those days when we didn't have anything but just plain messages, i could always assume the receiver has not read it. however nowadays i can't assume, because i would be able to check whether the person has read or has been online and is just deliberately ignoring me or not. i'm not going to lie, but it hurts when i know you're just not replying to me. 

second, i might be just as selfish and not want to read my messages. doesn't everyone want a day or two sometimes just to be alone and shut the world out? now that the genius has added this function in, i can't not reply to a person, because i've been online. sometimes in order to not be a bitch, i just don't reply to anyone. socializing is very tiring and i really do need a break from people sometimes you know. 

this is really starting to bother me, but then again everything is. i can't blame it on the people, because they're my friends and i do love them to bits. it's just sometimes i prefer the olden days, when everything was handwritten and just more precious. i miss getting letters from people and i like nice handwriting. it's always an awesome bonus when you open a card and see the person writing put effort into it. 

or it might just be the heat and the humidity. or even fatigue. anyways, rant over, so goodnight world. peace out. 

why, sometimes i believe six impossible things before breakfast

one of the biggest problems i need to deal with after i've come home is definitely jet lag. for you those who don't really know what jet lag is, it messes you over and makes you hungry at the wrong timings. not good. jet lag usually lasts for around 1 week for me. quelle horreur, je sais. so for a whole week, i sleep at 3 in the morning and wake up at 10. this doesn't sound that bad, but when everyone else in the family wakes up at 7 and sleeps at 11 at night, it's a problem.

so this morning, when i was still in the state between having consciousness and just down right dead, i felt my phone vibrate. i looked at it. it's my brother.

"sam, me and chloe are having breakfast at oliver's super sandwiches, do you want something?"

"ermm, what's there in the shop for breakfast?"

"i'll send you the menu and you can decide, yeh?"

so then my brother sent me a whole 5-paged breakfast menu. i chose the one i wanted and started messing about. around twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang and in came my brother, with a plastic bag in his hand. 

"you didn't tell me what you wanted to drink, so i decided you might enjoy a chocolate"

i know it's just a breakfast and it's not usually a big thing. however when everything else goes against your plan and someone shows them they care, it's impossible to not feel grateful. i know most of the time sometimes siblings can be a pain in the ass, they do care and they are the ones you can rely on. 

a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. i guess it's just the same with women. it's always good to start the day with a good breakfast, because it gives you the energy. arnold schwarzenegger once said: "my body is like breakfast, lunch and dinner. i don't think about, i just have it." you are what you eat, so go ahead and get something nice for breakfast. it'll do you wonders.

the chocolate my brother has decided i might enjoy. i couldn't finish the whole thing but it was nice

that looks so yummy. i won't mind eating another.

keep calm and relax my ass off

summer has officially started for me and so i packed my bags/suitcases and hopped onto a plane to hong kong, which is home. even though i am sad about leaving school and my friends behind, it's just great going back home and spending time with my family. so when i saw my mom and co. at the airport, i was over the moon. 

the heat in hong kong is almost unbearable, so i had chosen to go straight back home right after my flight journey to just shower and sort out my life basically. the air-conditioning is on and it felt like heaven in the flat. then this grabbed my attention.

my poor sofa. apparently the new ones on its way. thank god.

someone has broken the sofa. after a long period of interrogation, i found out that my brother and my god-brother are the culprits. boys boys boys. apparently my brother was on the sofa, watching tv, while my god-brother decided it was a good idea to just sit on my brother. well i think not.

as you can see in the next picture, i have successfully marked my territory at home with my laptop and other random bits of items i own. i mean there are four kids at home, so if i don't move fast, i won't get anywhere to just sit down and chill on my laptop. this does in fact feel a little like a dog peeing over land to show the others who's boss. in my household, i am.

i'm proud to announce sam is the winner of the pissing contest.

 my brother's favourite spot in the whole flat for sure. there's actually a reason why it is though. if you look straight, you see the ginormous tv with all kinds of game consoles and machines and whatnots. if you look right, you see the view of the balcony and sometimes a little strip of sunset. if you look left, you look directly into the kitchen / the food prepared. the science of choosing where to sit.

i then ventured into my room next. in order to make it more homey, i've lit a candle and it's still sitting quietly in a corner burning away. it smells like lemon tarts. i mean why not? even though it's meant to be a christmas scent, it's my (and my sister's) room, so i'm just going to do whatever i want unless momma lee gets involved (she never plays fair).

ain't this cute? my little baby fisheye-lomography-colourful-cutsy film camera that hangs off my keys. might have to get if off my keys though. last time when i had them on, i couldn't open the doors, because my hands were too small to handle that bundle in my hand. did i mention i have a teddy bear about the size of a tennis ball hanging off my keys? haha maybe not.

my little fish eye <3 it actually takes picture.

this is the intellectual corner. just looking at it makes me feel smart. sadly my sister has contributed into this little pile. right now i need to get on and just read as much as i can. next book on the reading list: paradise lost - john milton.

as you can see, there's quite a lot for me to go through. but hell, i've got a whole summer.

i have decided to add a photo of me dressing up as a bride when i was a child. my mom has always wanted me to get married and to have a family of my own. do i want that? hell i don't know, i'm only seventeen and i refuse to make life-changing decisions (other than university choices). but yeh, here is a photo of me fancy-dressing. i was very very cute.

looooook at those chubby chubby cheeks. god i was adorable

home slippers. may i just add, these are the smallest pair i can find in the whole flat and now they're mine. my preeeecious. it's not like anyone's got big feet in the family. my mom and my sister are a size 36. i'm a 37. my dad's a 38. my brother's a 41. my god-brother's a 43. but look at these, i swear they're like a size 50 or whatsoever. doesn't mean i don't love them though. they're just so comfy.

white and oversized slippers. gotta love anything oversized <3

although coming home is a wonderful thing, something always happens against our wills and we humans, who have no control over matters like these, call it misfortunes. however in my case, it's worse and more serious than just misfortune. one of my four dogs is in hospital and in critical conditions. she has a malfunctioning liver and i don't even know if she is actually alright or not right now. to those who don't have any pets, pets are just like family, and i really don't know what to do without any single one of mine.

bebe, if you can hear me, don't worry about anything. i'm home now and i'll come see you tomorrow. be strong my baby girl. i promise it won't be as hard as the last time you were in hospital. you can show them who's the boss and come home healthy. it's just another obstacle and you'll be fine. i'll get a cake and we can celebrate when you're out. i love you and stay strong girl. come home soon, we all miss you.

my baby girl when she was healthy. you'll do great. i have faith in you.

summer's begun and i'm planning to just enjoy myself. it's not like i'm always home. also it's the last summer before i turn eighteen / legal. whooop can't wait. so right now i'm going to relax and just let everything run its course. summer here i come.

goodbye 3.9

as a lower sixth, i share a room with a fellow roommate (a.k.a. sasha) and tomorrow is the day we bid each other farewell. i'll just show you what my room looked like in two/three days ago when i started packing for home (a.k.a. hong kong).

let me warn you before you scroll down, it is not a pretty sight. you might want to take a rain check or even click that little red cross in the corner. it's not usually this bad. i promise. mom if you're reading this, it's the packing. i'm usually really really clean.

behold. my room / working area

my sleeping area with my beautiful board (that is falling apart)

desk. don't ask. i can't don't use it often

i know right. i'm actually ashamed of my room a while ago. however, my room looks absolutely different now and empty. what gets me is that a whole year has whizzed by and i've only got one year of high school left. quelle horreur. 

it's not the fact that i'm leaving high school that is dreading me. on the contrary it's quite a delightful thought. no more drama and i get to leave this hell hole. it's the thought that i should be starting my university application. yikes.

back to the main point, i have tidied my room and it's as neat as a pin now. or even better. i've never been a clean person but this has changed the way i see myself. maybe i can actually be organised and neat. you don't believe me? see for yourself. 

my now-available workspace

all books gone. packed away in me suitcase ;D

this is so empty its ridiculous

 the only thing left out in my room is my bedding. it'll be gone by tomorrow. it's actually making me sad.

i guess it happens all the time, people coming and going. however when it's happening to me, i just can't help to feel sad. even though i'm happy to be off to summer and home, i'm leaving so many memories behind. thank you everyone, it has been a good year.

the best dorm in the whole school ever in history. 

goodbye 3.9, thank you for all the good memories.

thank you sasha. thank you for making my exam-filled term bearable. thank you for making me feel like i'm normal sometimes. thank you for bearing with me this whole time, even when i've been horrible. thank you just for everything. thank you for being awesome this whole time. thank you for just existing and being in my life. thank you for dancing with me in my pants. without you i won't know how to survive this term on my own. you have made my school year truly bearable and memorable. i love you, my cookie and no one will EVER replace your position in my life.

thank you everyone who has made me feel loved and belonged. i know this is cliché but without everyone, i won't be the same person as i am today. i guess i'm that kind of person who won't think and appreciate until i say or get it out of my system.

this has been a truly extraordinary year. thank you all.

bring it on year 13. i'm gonna kick your ass.

a letter from a daughter to her mother

dear mom,

i hope you're having an awesome day. i'm not a very eloquent person and not a very great daughter. i'm too timid to say this right to your face, so i'm doing this here. 

happy birthday! i'm sorry i can't be here today for your big day. i'd just want to wish you a good coming year and that may all the sorrows be gone. i know i have been a shit difficult daughter, but all i want to say is that i do really love you, from the bottom of my heart. i promise. 

let's make a list of all the things i've upset you and how i'm going to improve:

• going out too often - i promise i'd go out less, and be more of a couch potato
• eating all the snacks at home - i won't eat less, but i'll remind you to get more food
• getting too many movies on iTunes - i'll rent them and i'll save money
• dying my hair part blonde - never will i make that mistake again. asian and proud
• spending too much in general - but hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do
• being insensitive - i'll try to notice more
• not calling home enough - there's no way to dodge this, my bad. i'll call home more often
• sleeping too much - you all who don't know me in person, it's a problem. no joke. i'll sleep less
• getting tattoos without you knowing - but now that the cat's out of the bag. i'll tell you if i get more

last but not least:

• i'll be a better daughter, i'd care more and i'll notice. i'll tell you what i feel like and i'll listen to you. i promise i'll be the best daughter you'll ever come across. i'll spend more time with you, not because it's the right thing to do, but because i want to and i care.

mommy, i do love you, even though sometimes i don't show it (it's hard sometimes when i'm not home, i promise i'll try to show it more often). you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. or let's say without you, there won't be me. you're the reason why i am who i am today and i thank lord for giving you to me, instead of some other crappy mother (not that i know if she'd be crappy or not, but hell, she's not you, so yeh she'd be crappy). i am so lucky i got you as my mother and i love you.

you're the most beautiful women i've ever met. nothing will ever change this and you're the most important person in my world. for you birthday, i wish you good health and good humour all the time, so you'll be able to one day in the far future see your grandchildren and joke about my ever horizontal-growing body. because it's a mother-daughter thing to joke about each other's sizes :)

mommy, you've probably heard this enough today, but happy birthday one last time. i hope you'd have a wonderful day and i love you. always.

with lots of love and kisses,

mobee

she is the combination of sexy and cute. original i know.

mommy, you're so beautiful. i wish you can see it more often.

daddy and mommy are the cutest couple i've ever seen. i love you both.

us now, the whole family

momma with long hairr <3

momma and my baby <3 aren't they just so cute 

a family picture 7 years ago. minus the oh-so-annoying god-bro. mommy you look the same now. you don't look a day over twenty

disclaimer: all these pictures have never ever been seen anywhere. momma, if you see these pictures, i have taken a long time to choose them so please please don't make me take them down. you're a beautiful woman and i want the world to see.