the autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place, and i can picture it after all these days

school has officially started and work's already starting to pile up. it's great being back, because looking on the bright side, it's my last year of high school and that's great. this means i can finally escape the crazy school routine (waking up at 6.30 every morning to make sure i look decent for school, say whaaat?) and all those high school dramas.

also, i have my own room this year and i'm quite enjoying it. i've always shared a room with my sister, because mom wanted us to be close. i'm not complaining, because i do love my sister a lot (hi, chloe.), but this is a new experience and it's all great really. now i have my own room, i started decorating it more. it's like my little one-roomed home, but i'm still loving it. well because i'm decorating, this means money's spent. i mean A LOT of money is spent, but i guess it'll be worth it. nothing beats being comfy in your own room / personal space.

first, i got myself a little teapot. it's quite pointless really, because of its size. i can fill one cup of tea with it and i don't know, it's probably better off just taking my cup instead of a small teapot. however, it just looks soooo cute. i can't possibly leave it alone in store.

an artsy photo of me pouring my tea. 

i also got myself a new pencil bag. it's YELLOW and it says PEN ORGY on it. how cool is that? i got in on urban outfitters and it might not be the most appropriate thing to take to classes, but as long as i like it, it'd be fine. i also like how big it is. i can almost fit all my pens in it.

life would suck if you're a ruler. you're not welcomed.

then there's my wall of photos. without this, my room would look sooo empty. it keeps me feeling secure at night. also, it safe-keeps my memories in a visible place. all from last year. i know. a lot happen in a year. too much sometimes. you know that moment when you look at some pictures and wonder why you aren't friends with that person anymore? that happens too often.

that little montage at the bottoms my favourite.

 one of the reasons why i like being in an all girls' boarding school is because girls do notice and they do care. one of my english friends decided to sneak into my room, steal and use a piece of my post-its, write something on it, and stick it on my laptop. sometimes i wish i were a man. it would make life easier. girls are so much easier to like than boys. ugh boys.

and the great gatsby trailer. it's great.

it's great being back in school. i guess this is a new start. work hard everyone!

all i want is the wind in my hair, to face the fear but not feel scared

"me? i'm scared of everything! i'm scared of what i saw. i'm scared of what i did, of who i am. and most of all, i'm scare of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life... the way i feel when i'm with you!" - baby, "dirty dancing"

pretty much sums up my fears

i guess people deal with their fears everyday. i'm not afraid of many things; i'm fearless, but i'll always be scared no matter how old i grow. the worst. definitely knowing you don't matter anymore to someone. that's the worst. oh and bugs. they creepy too.

let’s toast cause things got better, and everything could change like that.

i have never lived alone. since a young child, i've stayed in the same room as the sister. then i've decided to leave home to go to boarding school 6074 miles away. i thought i could experience the life of being an individual, but i have never been more wrong. 

in the beginning, i shared a room with three to four girls of the same grade. was it a hardship? yes, it definitely was. crazy teenaged girls constantly high on hormones and over-reacting over everything has  been what i've been dealing with for five years. half a decade. mind you that's a pretty long time. do i hate sharing a room with friends/roommates? yes i do. it creates unnecessary tension and it never ends will. then again, there's always another side to a story and there sure is one to this.

i was tidying up my hard disk today and i came across this. me writing my name for some storage at school. i've been in high school for seven years. SEVEN YEARS. that's almost a decade. i've survived without harming myself immensely. wow this is something. i'm actually proud. just one more year of hell high school then i'll be in university. 

let's just say i have a lot of stuff.

then i came across this. my friend writing my name on a card. why would she do that? i don't know. it's not like i don't know how to write my name. however, i don't mind, because jade is one of those rare ones, who i won't ever doubt what she's doing. just like most girls, she does have her hysterical times and her overly-calm times where i just want to beat some sense into her. however at the end of the day i know i can trust her and she would be there for me. this is the true beauty of boarding school. you meet people who genuinely care for you and they stay in your life forever. 

yep. sam lee.

however, she didn't stop at just writing my name; she continued drawing cars and boobs. i mean you know you're close to someone when they start drawing boobs on everything of yours. EVERYTHING, even my work. it's not even funny anymore. this doesn't make me love her any less though. you might be thinking: "you sound like you're in love with her". well i'm not. it's just i'm at that point where i really appreciate someone being in my life.

i don't have a lot of friends and i have never had much. i've always been that weird kid who lurked in the backgrounds, not wanting to stick out. i was never the queen bee, or the ultimate nerd, or the one who did sports, or the one who did everything for attention. hence the limited number of people in my social life. that's why it means so much to me when someone shows or tells me that i matter. that's my achilles' ankle.

so lord, if you're reading this, thank you. thank you for all the friends you've given me and especially for those who will stay in my life. i'm grateful. eternally grateful.

i'm gonna miss this so much

so apparently i cry in cars. great.

who doesn't like some tits?

grandpa, take me back to yesterday, where the line between right and wrong didn't seem so hazy.

do i really want to grow up?

i've always wanted to grow up. growing up just seemed like the right thing to do. however, lately i've been having other thoughts. i don't even know if i'm the same person anymore.

my mother said "sam, do you not like coming home anymore? our views on life and things are just so different". i still like going home, but i cannot deny how much i've changed. the way i dress, the way i talk, the way i act.

anyways, growing up seems so much of a hassle right now. might just stop growing for a bit and just stay young. meeh i don't know.

http://thetangential.com/2011/10/12/things-about-adulthood-that-i-expected-would-be-way-cooler/