when you're needing your space to do some navigating

so life's been really hectic recently. i don't even have the time to just slow down and breathe. that's why i've decided to take a turn out of school and chill with a friend.

you know when you're not sure if things are what you think they are anymore. i'm at that point in my life. what i've believed in since i was a kid. 

i'm not going to lie. i envy, no, i'm jealous of people with amazing lives, who don't need to work hard for it and get what they want. can't i just get that one thing i want once in a while? i'm not greedy. i only two things to happen, but so far, nada. rien. nothing. zlich.

well i guess things are going to work out at the end right? i mean i don't think things can get any worse than this. well i hope anyways. so i guess i'll just have to plough on. good luck to me and good luck to you too. i want and need this bad, but i'm sure you're probably in the same situation as me. just as hopeless and desperate.

thing is, i think this is what makes us human you know. imperfections and whatnot. or else we'd just be another species of animal, not the dominating species walking and roaming the earth right? 

sometimes i just like looking and seeing without any glasses or contacts. makes the feeling more authentic and it takes you one step back. it's hard and it's tiring always seeing so clearly. don't forget the bigger picture. everything blends into one soft picturesque scene. 

good luck.

tree jeans though :D

it's not that i don't feel the pain, it's just i'm not afraid of hurting anymore

so i study in bristol, in an all girls' boarding school; and occasionally, i get to escape to the beautiful capital of london. london's one of the greatest and prettiest cities in the world and i'm just so lucky to be able to go to london last weekend. my sister goes to school in london (lucky woman) and i have the chance of staying with her.

 

london's full of artistic attributes and i love it all. everything in london is spectacular. colourful, vibrant, dynamic. i mean look at the signs. they're so pretty.

 

 

then i came across this. i know for most people this isn't a big deal, but it is for me. we used to have these in hong kong, until the government changed the design of these and it no longer has a button or a screen on it. horrible. this is nostalgic for me. it's like i'm looking at my past, when i wasn't tall enough to press it and asking momma to help me press the button or to hold me so i can press the button.

 

me and my sister wanted chinese, so we took the bus and the tube all the way from west hampstead, which took us about an hour to get there. however, we came across byron and we decided we want burger instead. i mean it does look pretty amazing, doesn't it?

so, the main reason why i went to london was because i had tickets to see paramore. i'm not going to lie, i didn't like paramore that much before. the person who went with me didn't either. we only got the tickets because they were really really cheap.

also we thought of selling the tickets because people there were really shady. then we overheard a conversation and we decided to stay.

boy: "i don't shout." (we were about two metres from them and it was like he was standing beside me)
girl: "it's ok. i can still hear you. do you want to take a picture of the sunset? "
boy: "nah, i'm not a photo person."

*15 minutes later* - boy takes a selfie
boy: "ok don't look at me like that. can't i take a photo of myself? i think i look quite good today"

by this point, my friend and i decided we're going to stay. it was so funny we just had to.

 

first we saw eliza and the bear, who was so good. i'm now following their music. check them out if you have time. CLICK ME to check out their music. then we saw charli xcx. she's not bad, but i didn't enjoy it, because i didn't pay to see her. FINALLY PARAMORE CAME ON.

even though i knew nothing about hayley williams and only started listening to their album after i got the tickets, hayley was amazing on stage. she's not just a singer, but also a performer. the whole night we sang (yes, you read it right. we did. she made us sing with her. not complaining though), we danced, we had fun. it was soo good.

that night, i've also taken one of the photos that i'm most proud of. check this photo out. you can see how amazing Hayley's figure is. so skinny. i just love this photo. maybe i have a talent. maybe i can go take photos at concert. professional concert photographer. does have a ring to it.

apparently, paramore was recording the daydreaming music video that night as well. one day, when i'm ninety and when i have grandchildren, i can tell my grandkids: "grandma was cool. grandma went to paramore in 2013 when i was seventeen. i saw hayley and she was amazing. i was in the daydreaming music video."

the thing i learnt in this is that maybe things do seem bleak at the moment. i had the worst time in my life in this past month. then hayley said on stage: "things might seem bad at the moment, but it'll all turn out fine. you just have to let go."

maybe it's time to let go and give myself a break. life is hard, is it not?

one thing though. going to london was good. my sister has learnt to cool and she cooked me ramen for breakfast. she's an awesome one. god i miss my sister.

until next time, stay strong.

"i don't even know myself at all. i thought i would be happy by now." - paramore, last hope

she don't cook mashed potatoes, she don't cook t-bone steaks.

me and my friend have decided it would be a good idea to cook before school gets hectic and work piles up. so we've bought some ingredients to make spaghetti bolognese. first we got:

• 1 packet of minced beef
• 1 packet of spaghetti
• 1 onion (if you like onions, you can always get more; but we're cheap asses so we only got one)
• 1 jar of tomato sauce
• 1 tube of garlic puree

well, i'm not going to lie. i don't cook. i'm from hong kong, and bitches don't cook in hong kong. my friend however has always watched her mom cook, so she knows a little about it. this is our recipe and it's by no means the best, but if it worked for us beginners, it'll work for you.

1. you cut the onion into dices and then you fry them
i'm not going to lie, this is one of the easiest steps you can imagine, BUT make sure you have a super sharp knife, or else it would take you days. it took me and my friend 15 minutes just to cut half an onion. not cool.

add some oil (we used some weight-watchers normal oil we found in the communal kitchen) into the pan/saucer. add more if the onion pieces start to stick to the saucer. fry them until brown. simple.

2. you add the minced beef into the saucer and cook until it's not raw
by this time, the mix should start smelling nice and meaty. if you're vegetarian, i'm sorry, but i love my meat in my spaghetti.

so, as this is not my own kitchen, we lack the appropriate utensils. this should not be encouraged and we would be shot by a chef if he saw us cooking like this. however, if you're a student just like me, it doesn't matter as long as the utensils are clean. improvisation is very important when you have limited resources.

3. start cooking the spaghetti
translation to normal english: dump it in hot water and let it submerge into water until it's the softness of your preference. it took around 15 minutes for me and my friend to get to our optimum softness.

also, add a pinch of salt and some oil to prevent sticking. you don't want all your hard work go to waste, do you?

4. add tomato sauce and garlic puree

dump the tomato sauce into the meat mix. stir and let it simmer. we used dolmio tomato sauce. it's a little sweet if you ask me, but oh well i think it wasn't too bad. if you think the mix is a little tasteless, put some salt or some garlic puree. i like garlic, so i've put around half a tube in.

5. sift all excess water out from the spaghetti

it's almost done. don't worry. just make sure all water's sifted away. if not, you'll either make the meat mix less salty or more tasteless; or you'll get really soggy spaghetti. either way it's not great.

6. make it look pretty

most important step of all. all humans are very visual beings. if they see the good-looking food, they'll assume the food's actually good. 

now some artsy shots of spaghetti. enjoy :)

i can't say i haven't enjoyed the whole process. it's different and it makes myself so proud when i was eating the spaghetti. also men find women who can cook so much more attractive, so i guess spaghetti bolognese is a good starting point. bon appetite.

fingers crossed

results day today. right now i'm feeling like this.

hope things are gonna go fine.

let’s toast cause things got better, and everything could change like that.

i have never lived alone. since a young child, i've stayed in the same room as the sister. then i've decided to leave home to go to boarding school 6074 miles away. i thought i could experience the life of being an individual, but i have never been more wrong. 

in the beginning, i shared a room with three to four girls of the same grade. was it a hardship? yes, it definitely was. crazy teenaged girls constantly high on hormones and over-reacting over everything has  been what i've been dealing with for five years. half a decade. mind you that's a pretty long time. do i hate sharing a room with friends/roommates? yes i do. it creates unnecessary tension and it never ends will. then again, there's always another side to a story and there sure is one to this.

i was tidying up my hard disk today and i came across this. me writing my name for some storage at school. i've been in high school for seven years. SEVEN YEARS. that's almost a decade. i've survived without harming myself immensely. wow this is something. i'm actually proud. just one more year of hell high school then i'll be in university. 

let's just say i have a lot of stuff.

then i came across this. my friend writing my name on a card. why would she do that? i don't know. it's not like i don't know how to write my name. however, i don't mind, because jade is one of those rare ones, who i won't ever doubt what she's doing. just like most girls, she does have her hysterical times and her overly-calm times where i just want to beat some sense into her. however at the end of the day i know i can trust her and she would be there for me. this is the true beauty of boarding school. you meet people who genuinely care for you and they stay in your life forever. 

yep. sam lee.

however, she didn't stop at just writing my name; she continued drawing cars and boobs. i mean you know you're close to someone when they start drawing boobs on everything of yours. EVERYTHING, even my work. it's not even funny anymore. this doesn't make me love her any less though. you might be thinking: "you sound like you're in love with her". well i'm not. it's just i'm at that point where i really appreciate someone being in my life.

i don't have a lot of friends and i have never had much. i've always been that weird kid who lurked in the backgrounds, not wanting to stick out. i was never the queen bee, or the ultimate nerd, or the one who did sports, or the one who did everything for attention. hence the limited number of people in my social life. that's why it means so much to me when someone shows or tells me that i matter. that's my achilles' ankle.

so lord, if you're reading this, thank you. thank you for all the friends you've given me and especially for those who will stay in my life. i'm grateful. eternally grateful.

i'm gonna miss this so much

so apparently i cry in cars. great.

who doesn't like some tits?

goodbye 3.9

as a lower sixth, i share a room with a fellow roommate (a.k.a. sasha) and tomorrow is the day we bid each other farewell. i'll just show you what my room looked like in two/three days ago when i started packing for home (a.k.a. hong kong).

let me warn you before you scroll down, it is not a pretty sight. you might want to take a rain check or even click that little red cross in the corner. it's not usually this bad. i promise. mom if you're reading this, it's the packing. i'm usually really really clean.

behold. my room / working area

my sleeping area with my beautiful board (that is falling apart)

desk. don't ask. i can't don't use it often

i know right. i'm actually ashamed of my room a while ago. however, my room looks absolutely different now and empty. what gets me is that a whole year has whizzed by and i've only got one year of high school left. quelle horreur. 

it's not the fact that i'm leaving high school that is dreading me. on the contrary it's quite a delightful thought. no more drama and i get to leave this hell hole. it's the thought that i should be starting my university application. yikes.

back to the main point, i have tidied my room and it's as neat as a pin now. or even better. i've never been a clean person but this has changed the way i see myself. maybe i can actually be organised and neat. you don't believe me? see for yourself. 

my now-available workspace

all books gone. packed away in me suitcase ;D

this is so empty its ridiculous

 the only thing left out in my room is my bedding. it'll be gone by tomorrow. it's actually making me sad.

i guess it happens all the time, people coming and going. however when it's happening to me, i just can't help to feel sad. even though i'm happy to be off to summer and home, i'm leaving so many memories behind. thank you everyone, it has been a good year.

the best dorm in the whole school ever in history. 

goodbye 3.9, thank you for all the good memories.

thank you sasha. thank you for making my exam-filled term bearable. thank you for making me feel like i'm normal sometimes. thank you for bearing with me this whole time, even when i've been horrible. thank you just for everything. thank you for being awesome this whole time. thank you for just existing and being in my life. thank you for dancing with me in my pants. without you i won't know how to survive this term on my own. you have made my school year truly bearable and memorable. i love you, my cookie and no one will EVER replace your position in my life.

thank you everyone who has made me feel loved and belonged. i know this is cliché but without everyone, i won't be the same person as i am today. i guess i'm that kind of person who won't think and appreciate until i say or get it out of my system.

this has been a truly extraordinary year. thank you all.

bring it on year 13. i'm gonna kick your ass.

happy un-birthday to all of us

this is basically the last weekend in school and the house staff thought it was a good idea to have a bbq. well obviously eating in pyjamas outdoors would be one of the items i'd like to cross off my bucket list (yes, i have a bucket list. the first thing on it is to just own a bucket).

because eating in our pjs is just the bomb

it is also very important that we don't forget about our etiquette even eating outdoors. you can see how hardworking we are, working during supper. 

ANNNNNNND we also got a chance to jump on a bouncy castle. HEEEELLO IT'S A BOUNCY CASTLE. doesn't matter how old i turn, i'm still going on a bouncy castle when i see one. i promise. even when i'm eighty and would require crutches days after jumping on it.

that's me there launching onto my friend. smoooooth

and we get cupcakes. tiny ones but they still count.

let's end this on a cheery / self-mocking note. here's a gif of me struggling with making candy floss without any make-up and in my pjs. because i'm that awesome.

i am fully aware of it being in my hair.