you lose control when you hold too tight, and turn your head long enough to let it bite.

just recently i found out how much of a control freak i am. i dread the moment when everything in my world falls apart into nothingness. i fear the unknown. i hate losing control. sometimes i laugh it off by saying: "who doesn't have a bit of an OCD freak in them? i mean c'mon", but it's true. everyone's slightly OCD-ish i would say. it just so happens that i might have a slightly larger percentage of needing to stay in control in all certain situations.

1. i wake up early in the morning to make sure all my work is done
2. i have three different mugs in my room. one for tea, one for water and one for alcohol alternative choices
3. a scratch on my screen protector can upset me for days
4. i have a back-up for everything (makeup, stationery, tea, perfume, you name it), which made me the most popular kid in boarding school
5. i leave my mess out so i can clean everything at night. every night.
6. i only use black pens (i have at least 40 right now in my drawer)
7. if i don't know your last name, i would hunt you down, because i need it for my phonebook
8. i am not a creaser or a bender when it comes to books. i open it with a 45 degree angle, so pages won't crease and the spine won't bend

there are more trust me. i assure you i live a normal lifestyle. all my rules do not affect me (that much), but i guess it does limit me. so i've decided, starting today (25th november 2014), i will try and let myself freak out a little less. being a control freak gets things done, but it's very tiring (waking up early does not always sound like a good idea if you went out the night before and went to bed at 5 in the morning. not good). promise to self and no pressure. university is the time when you change for the better, no?