the world is getting closer, strangers passing by.

i'm at that point in my life where i'm starting to question everything. some of the most frequently asked questions are definitely:

• why is life so unfair?
• why are people so mean?
• where did my money go?
• where did i leave my other shoe?
• did i down that drink too quickly? (or should i get another?)
• maybe prostitution would work out if school doesn't?
• why i do care and others don't?
• what if i'm not on the right track?
• maybe that person doesn't want to stay in my life?
• shots or champagne? (champagne if you're feeling classy)

scary thing is i don't have answer to all most of the questions (just because i don't want to answer the one about money evaporating doesn't mean i don't know where i've spent it. it just means i don't want to remember). to me, answers are everything, so is the process, but answers all the way. however, i feel like my perspective's changing. maybe the process is important too. 

it's like shopping to all you ladies out there. that black and white tartan bomber jacket is great and looks beautiful on, but choosing it was fun too. i'm a big online shopper and every second passed feels like a race. "ohh, do you think anyone's chosen the same thing? must buy soon" or "maybe someone else wants it more" or even "DAMN IT'S ON SALE. I CAN'T SAY NO TO THAT". this is what i mean by process. process can be fun too.

i guess the main point now is to experience and enjoy the ride. i'm still young and all i have to do is just to learn to stand on my own two feet. 

this is the rhythm of my life.

how you've all been? i've been good, have been better, but still good. well i've been ill for about three weeks now, and i have not gotten any better. sucks i know, but you know as a modern day woman, i've got to just suck it up and get on with it. (head hurts while writing this, so don't get upset if thoughts don't really make sense this time round - it's not like it made any sense before you know but eh)

i guess it's that time of the year when work gets hectic and life is on the verge of falling apart, but things have been working out for me. for once, universities actually seems tangible. for once, i've lost weight (not a lot, but i'm getting there. slowly but surely). for once, i feel like i'm not drowning in either work or sorrow. for once, i feel loved and needed. 

maybe turning eighteen really opened up my mind. it's like sense has been calling out to me and i've finally heard it. time to mature and to adult up sam lee. i've been doing really adult-y things that i've never done before or failed to do before. 

1. i can finally get alcohol LEGALLY- only really happened once because i stayed over at a friend's. i'm not an alcoholic. or so i think
2. i've been growing my nails out - i had long nails once, but kept them short for sometime. you know they get in the way, but doesn't growing out your nails seem like such a grow-up thing to do?
3. i've been getting on with work - again, sam lee didn't use to work. i know, the sun is rising from the west
4. my sister can finally tolerate me - we're actually getting along. it's great
5. credit cards - enough said.
6. intellectual conversations with acquaintances who hate my guts - i'm proud of myself, what can i say?
7. i've been replying to messages - i feel like now that i've grown, i need to make sure people know i'm alive most of the time

you'll probably think i'm being all dramatic with the things i do now, because they don't seem too special. it's hard for me to make a new habit so it's a big deal for me. maybe they're easy things, but then again i cannot cope with real life (no kidding, i trip over myself sometimes. i can't really tie my shoelaces as well, they don't stay up).

oh god. i fail being a human. great.

just be happy people. things will work out at the end, just like always. maybe things are hard, but you know it'll be fine. look at me. i don't know know how to tie my laces and yet i still survive fine. i scrape by, but eh i'm doing alright.

 

it's just a spark, but it's enough to keep me going.

bonfire night. one of the most english things i've experienced since i've come to school here. a night where people dress up as guy fawkes and light chemicals on fire. oh, fireworks. that's what they're called.

fireworks symbolise independence, freedom and hope. just what i've been needing recently. they're beautiful things, aren't they? dangerous, yet mesmerising. if you stand too close, it will burn you. yet if you stand too far, you'll miss the beauty of it.

i've never stood so close to fireworks. i could feel the heat on my face. it was beautiful. i thought maybe if i stood even close, i would've been able to catch them. isn't that what most people try to do, capture that last bit of fleeting hope?

i know i won't remember every single shape in ten years time. who would? so i busted out my baby, and tried to capture every moment of this. all this. i wanted to share the moment. with that one person i love, am loving and will love for the rest of my life.

i wish he was here with me. 

i wish he could witness this with me. 

i wish he would put his arms around me. 

i wish he could tell me everything would be okay. 

because i know, if he were here, things would be. they always have been, are and will be alright at the end.

yet i'm alone, waiting. he promised he'll see the fireworks with me. he promised he'll watch that wrenching movie with me, passing me kleenex when i cry everything but my memories out. he promised he'll love me forever.

i still believe. i will always believe. he's the one for me.

think of one thing in this whole wide world you wouldn't wanna miss

11:11

i'm not always aware of the time. i only own one watch and god knows how long it's stopped working for. i can rely on my phone nowadays. technology i know. it's quite handy really, but there's only one time i truly truly look out for.

 

11:11

i don't know where i read this from. think it's some kind of movie or something, but i always make a wish at 11:11. always. 

i take the business of making wishes very seriously. sometimes even too seriously. i guess it's one of my quirky little habits. like naming everything i own. my laptop's called fred and my camera's leila. (i've read somewhere about my naming habit. apparently i'm verging on becoming mad. then again, all the best people are.)

i'm not superstitious. well i guess i am, but i don't like to think of myself that way. who doesn't want to be the strong one who doesn't rely on anyone else? who doesn't want to be the intelligent one who knows everything she comes across? who doesn't want to be the lucky one who has no troubles to deal with at all? me. i want it to be me. 

i'm probably not making any sense to you, but i am to myself and that's all that matters. sometimes it's good to know there's someone watching over you, listening to your prayers and wishes. it gets really lonely when no one else understands you. maybe wishing upon a time would mean someone understands and is able to help with the situation. 

11.11

who knows when i'm going to stop this little habit of mine. who knows if i'm going to stop at all. all that matters is that i have someone or something above to rely on. 

if you wish hard enough, you'll get it. 

oh and that person on earth too. that person who brings you all the hopes and joys. 

happy 11:11. 

don't you worry child. see heaven's got a plan for you.

so tomorrow's a big day for me. it's the day i'm turning eighteen. 18. EIGHTEEN. the day i become legal and, well, old. so before i tell you what i think about my birthday, i'll show you what my friends have done for me. 

they've kept me at breakfast for as long as possible, while the others blow air into endless balloons. i walked in and this is all i saw.

i'm grateful. so grateful. they've celebrated my birthday almost a week early with me, so i can feel the love. it's great knowing someone else cares for you no matter what. especially when i'm so far away from home. i've got lovely friends and i'm grateful. not to mention this is the only good thing that has happened to me all month (or even term). thank you beth, jade, eddy and sasha. i love you guys.

well 18. what can i say? or what should i say? right now i'm not even sure if i want to turn eighteen or not. eighteen. well i've been looking forward to it my whole life, since i was a child; but you know, if turning into an adult comes with all the stress, heartbreaks and misfortunes, i just want to stay young. well i just don't want to age anymore. ageing is very tiring and maybe i want the good old days back. when the most stressful thing is to make sure my uniform wasn't creased when i went to school. i want to go back to those days, but it's too late. too late.

but anyways, all thing aside. happy birthday sam. happy eighteenth. may you have an amazing life from this point onwards. forget about the heartbreaks and all the misfortune. your life is waiting ahead of you. all you need to do is just go grab it and never let go. if things or people are yours, they'll stay. don't worry child. happy birthday you little noob. don't ever change. one thing: learn to love yourself please. you're better than you think you are.

happy birthday, ma cherie. happy birthday, me.

i turn my camera on. i cut my fingers on the way.

i was on ebay the other day and i stumbled across this gem. a canonet 28. AND it came in the mail today. let's just take a moment to look at this beauty.

troy. my canonet 28. he's older than me, but still going. going strong.

i must say, this is the only good thing that has happened to me all month and it's my birthday month. it's been tiring and i did have a think about just ending everything. just jump out that window maybe. this is going to sound fake and surreal, but i feel like i haven't because i haven't done enough. i have never owned a proper film camera. i have never been to glastonbury. i have never ever felt like i worth something. maybe it's time for me to just look for myself.

i've always thought i know who i am, but i'm not so sure anymore.

what i love about film cameras is that it's irreversible. thoughts have been put into every single frame taken, giving the photo more value. also, the fact that not knowing what is going to turn out is a big attraction. isn't it great to just sit and wait to see what turns out?

but film cameras. i can now die a happy bunny. i am a proud owner of a canonet 28.

by the way, two days till home. yey.

when you're needing your space to do some navigating

so life's been really hectic recently. i don't even have the time to just slow down and breathe. that's why i've decided to take a turn out of school and chill with a friend.

you know when you're not sure if things are what you think they are anymore. i'm at that point in my life. what i've believed in since i was a kid. 

i'm not going to lie. i envy, no, i'm jealous of people with amazing lives, who don't need to work hard for it and get what they want. can't i just get that one thing i want once in a while? i'm not greedy. i only two things to happen, but so far, nada. rien. nothing. zlich.

well i guess things are going to work out at the end right? i mean i don't think things can get any worse than this. well i hope anyways. so i guess i'll just have to plough on. good luck to me and good luck to you too. i want and need this bad, but i'm sure you're probably in the same situation as me. just as hopeless and desperate.

thing is, i think this is what makes us human you know. imperfections and whatnot. or else we'd just be another species of animal, not the dominating species walking and roaming the earth right? 

sometimes i just like looking and seeing without any glasses or contacts. makes the feeling more authentic and it takes you one step back. it's hard and it's tiring always seeing so clearly. don't forget the bigger picture. everything blends into one soft picturesque scene. 

good luck.

tree jeans though :D

it's not that i don't feel the pain, it's just i'm not afraid of hurting anymore

so i study in bristol, in an all girls' boarding school; and occasionally, i get to escape to the beautiful capital of london. london's one of the greatest and prettiest cities in the world and i'm just so lucky to be able to go to london last weekend. my sister goes to school in london (lucky woman) and i have the chance of staying with her.

 

london's full of artistic attributes and i love it all. everything in london is spectacular. colourful, vibrant, dynamic. i mean look at the signs. they're so pretty.

 

 

then i came across this. i know for most people this isn't a big deal, but it is for me. we used to have these in hong kong, until the government changed the design of these and it no longer has a button or a screen on it. horrible. this is nostalgic for me. it's like i'm looking at my past, when i wasn't tall enough to press it and asking momma to help me press the button or to hold me so i can press the button.

 

me and my sister wanted chinese, so we took the bus and the tube all the way from west hampstead, which took us about an hour to get there. however, we came across byron and we decided we want burger instead. i mean it does look pretty amazing, doesn't it?

so, the main reason why i went to london was because i had tickets to see paramore. i'm not going to lie, i didn't like paramore that much before. the person who went with me didn't either. we only got the tickets because they were really really cheap.

also we thought of selling the tickets because people there were really shady. then we overheard a conversation and we decided to stay.

boy: "i don't shout." (we were about two metres from them and it was like he was standing beside me)
girl: "it's ok. i can still hear you. do you want to take a picture of the sunset? "
boy: "nah, i'm not a photo person."

*15 minutes later* - boy takes a selfie
boy: "ok don't look at me like that. can't i take a photo of myself? i think i look quite good today"

by this point, my friend and i decided we're going to stay. it was so funny we just had to.

 

first we saw eliza and the bear, who was so good. i'm now following their music. check them out if you have time. CLICK ME to check out their music. then we saw charli xcx. she's not bad, but i didn't enjoy it, because i didn't pay to see her. FINALLY PARAMORE CAME ON.

even though i knew nothing about hayley williams and only started listening to their album after i got the tickets, hayley was amazing on stage. she's not just a singer, but also a performer. the whole night we sang (yes, you read it right. we did. she made us sing with her. not complaining though), we danced, we had fun. it was soo good.

that night, i've also taken one of the photos that i'm most proud of. check this photo out. you can see how amazing Hayley's figure is. so skinny. i just love this photo. maybe i have a talent. maybe i can go take photos at concert. professional concert photographer. does have a ring to it.

apparently, paramore was recording the daydreaming music video that night as well. one day, when i'm ninety and when i have grandchildren, i can tell my grandkids: "grandma was cool. grandma went to paramore in 2013 when i was seventeen. i saw hayley and she was amazing. i was in the daydreaming music video."

the thing i learnt in this is that maybe things do seem bleak at the moment. i had the worst time in my life in this past month. then hayley said on stage: "things might seem bad at the moment, but it'll all turn out fine. you just have to let go."

maybe it's time to let go and give myself a break. life is hard, is it not?

one thing though. going to london was good. my sister has learnt to cool and she cooked me ramen for breakfast. she's an awesome one. god i miss my sister.

until next time, stay strong.

"i don't even know myself at all. i thought i would be happy by now." - paramore, last hope

the way you're holding on to me makes me feel like i can't breathe. just let me go, just let me go.

the heart can only take so much. sometimes i wish i can shut my feelings off and not ever feel again. 

moving on is hard, but seeing someone move on before you is even harder. it feels like something's weighing you down on the insides. you won't have the energy to do anything. to continue on with your life. to live. 

you act like everything's fine, but you know it isn't and there's nothing you can do about it. you cry yourself to sleep at night and wish for a better day, but it never comes. 

the heart can only take so much. i think i'm at my limit. 

dancing with my moonlit shadow.

so before i go on with the post, it's always helpful to just remind you of the fact that i am chinese; and what that means is that we have a lot of festivals. i mean A LOT. we have dragon boat festival, children's festival, and all that jazz. however one of my favourite would always be mid-autumn festival.

so because i don't really know how to explain to you what moon-cakes are and what is the mid-autumn festival, click me. basically, mid-autumn festival is a festival that happens every year in mid-autumn, if you haven't had guessed, when the moon is the roundest. moon-cakes are just the food we eat on this celebration.

one of the most fundamental things about mid-autumn festival is people usually spend it with their families. it's great because when i was in school in hong kong, we used to get let out of school early and we would have the next day off. sweet isn't it? however, the main point of the whole dinner and playtime with family, is just to remind you how important family is to you.

yesterday my sister took me out to dinner, because obviously she's the dearest and only family in the uk. besides who wouldn't want to spend mid-autumn festival with an annoying younger sister? i'm not going to lie. i've lived with my sister my whole life and this is the only year we've been apart, because now she's in university and i'm really really missing her.

"mom got you moon-cakes. here, take them."

when i was a kid i never liked moon-cake, but after i've left home to study in bristol, my views have definitely changed. don't get me wrong, i still don't really like the taste of it. it's just so sickly and sweet, but it means that someone in your family is missing you and would send or bring you some moon-cakes.

so today i was busy battling through my work and i came across this in my drawer. the peninsula moon-cakes. they're the best. they're so good i don't actually mind them. yeh they're that good. to me, they're not just little pastries that we get in festivals, but the love and care my dad and mom have given to me.

you would probably think, how does it show papa and mama's love? well it does.

1. they gave the best to me - it's not just moon-cakes, but everything. they're so used to it, they just voluntarily give the best to me without a second thought
2. they remember me - this sounds ridiculous, but when you know someone's missing you somewhere, it's just great you know. feels like everything is worth it and it would all be fine.

you might still think i'm exaggerating, but no i am not. you can think what you're thinking. it doesn't change how much i love my parents.

they just taste so good. the peninsula ones. i don't even know what's in them. *checks label* there is wheat flour, sugar, butter, eggs, salted duck egg yolks, custard powder, colour, milk powder, coconut milk, condesed milk, malt sugar, corn starch, tapioca starch, salt, honey. wow that's quite a mouthful and very very fattening. i guess i'll need to start running laps again, but hey they're worth it.

the moment i finished that little piece of delight, my friend came in, with one spoon in her right hand and a half-cut moon-cake in the other.

"it's mid-autumn festival. want some moon-cake?"

yes was obviously the answer. i know i said i don't like moon-cakes, but when you're on a role, you just want to continue. just like watching tv and playing videos games. you just can't stop. well also, my friend bothered to remember that i'm, in fact, chinese like her and that i miss home too. really it's the thought that counts the most.

here's my friend with a moon-cake and a spoon. and her garfield pjs. haha

when i was in school in hong kong, i learnt this chinese song / poem, which the poet, su shi wrote in the memory of his brother during mid-autumn festival.

水調歌頭 蘇軾
明月幾時有，把酒問青天？
不知天上宮闕，今夕是何年。


我欲乘風歸去，唯恐瓊樓玉宇，高處不勝寒。
起舞弄清影，何似在人間。

轉朱閣，低綺戶。照無眠。
不應有恨，何事長向別時圓？
人有悲歡離合，月有陰晴圓缺，此事古難全。

i know it sucks for you non-chinese readers, so i wikipedia-ed found the english translation of it. also, just let me attach a song with this poem as its lyrics. if you want to listen to this song, CLICK ME.

thinking of you - su shi
when will the moon be clear and bright?
with a cup of wine in my hand, i ask the blue sky.
in the heavens on this night,
i wonder what season it would be?

i'd like to ride the wind to fly home.
yet i fear the crystal and jade mansions
are much too high and cold for me.
dancing with my moonlit shadow,
it does not seem like the human world.

the moon rounds the red mansion,
stoops to silk-pad doors,
shines upon the sleepless,
bearing no grudge,
why does the moon tend to be full when people are apart?

people have sorrow or joy, be near or far apart,
the moon may be dim or bright; round or crescent shaped,
this imperfection has been going on since the beginning of time.
may we all be blessed with longevity,
though thousand miles apart, we are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

happy mid-autumn festival you all.

but change in my pocket is always good for a laugh

so i went on a little shopping spree the other day. don't you judge me. life is hard and sometimes we just want to have some fun right?

i must confess. i love getting anything. ANYTHING. from clothes, to home-ware, to food. i love it all. however, my absolute favourite in the whole universe is shoes. i love shoes. shoes are so amazing. i mean: "give a girl the right shoes and she can concur the world". this is so true it hurts. i love shoes and i cannot stress enough.

so the first pair of shoes that has arrived school is this pair of vans. i got mine from matchesfashion.com and they came in 2 days. i can't say i'm not impressed. you know how all parcels come in really gloomy brown boxes. this did too. then i opened it. 

look at all those colours and patterns. isn't this just so amazing? i didn't even pay for the packaging, but it's just so pretty. this is the advantage of getting things from branded or expensive websites. even the packaging's nicer.

i mean just look at this. how can you not like this?

so i opened the box and i saw this. my kenzo x vans kicks. this is a cool box too. i mean two boxes in a parcel? yes please. i am a hoarder and i'm proud of it. guess who now has two nice boxes to put things in?

in the box, there lies my beautiful vans. i don't think any shoes can get any prettier than this. they are just exquisite. they were expensive, but hell they're so worth it. vans really has outdone themselves this time. i don't think i'll ever be able to find anything sneakers i love this much anymore.

i must say, this is the best thing that has happened to me all week. they're just so beautiful. you know when something's so beautiful you can't find words to describe them? yes this is that situation. i love these shoes.

be great in whatever you decide to do

before i start this post, let me just confess something. i've never watched x-men origins: the wolverine until this morning. as i was procrastinating tidying my room this morning, i decided it might be a good idea to put that movie on. then i discovered hugh jackman. 

well, i've always find him very very attractive. a perfect six-pack. a nice voice (with an australian accent), great actor. there isn't anything that i can't love about this guy, but something in wolverine just made me want to go on a hugh jackman marathon. so i did. 

then i stumbled across this movie.

real steel.

if you think i'm going to tell you what happens, i won't. obviously i'm not a professional movie reviewer, but i think this is one of the best movies i've ever watched. you know when a movie's so good, you shed a tear at the end of the movie? yes it's that good.

on the serious note though, it is phenomenal. the actors are amazing, the story board is amazing, the special effects are amazing. i don't know if hugh jackman is really a boxer or not, but it doesn't change how good the movie is.

i know this is going to sound cheesy, but the movie really brings you up. it makes you think everything (and i stress, EVERYTHING) will work out at the end, as long as you work for it. doesn't matter if you're a man, a woman, or even a robot. you might be clicking on the little red cross button to exit this page, but hear me out.

"i know it's corny, but i also think that sometimes corny is exactly what this country needs." - william hayes, "definitely maybe"

i will go no further on, but please enjoy a gif of hugh jackman boxing / doing ballet. it's awesome

i may be paranoid, but no android

e (/ˈiː/) is a vowel and the fifth letter from the alphabet. it is also the most commonly used letter in many languages, such as czech, english, french, german and spanish.

this is what the e looks like on my keyboard. unfortunate i know. i've gotten my 11" macbook air when i was in year 11, which was two years ago. don't get me wrong, i still love my baby. actually i'm loving it more and more each day.

reasons why i love this laptop:

• i've got small hands - small keyboard, great for small hands
• it's light - i travel a lot, so yeh it's just convenient
• it's a mac - let's be honest now guys. how can you not love a mac? macs are great.
• my momma and my papa got it for me

i remember my last computer was a sony vaio. i didn't really like it, but i guess it was fine. after while i got a macbook. a white one. it was quite a beautiful one, but then i got bored of it, so i gave it to my brother it broke. quelle horreur. that means i had to get a new one. i chose this one. a macbook air with an 11" monitor. it has a memory capacity of 256gb and a 4gb ram. i don't know what that means, but it sure did cost a lot more. 

i guess me and this baby have gone through thick and thin. i once almost lost it. i split tea on it. i can't say i'm entirely proud of it. sometimes it doesn't like what i'm doing on it and shuts down. it plays music suddenly. i guess it's a love-hate relationship, but i'm definitely not complaining.

two years and still going.

wow i just wrote a whole post on my laptop, but when you love something this much, it deserves a post itself.

work it hard make it better

i haven't been on this whole blogging scene for long and i don't even know what genre my blog belongs to. then i checked my email and saw this:

i have been tagged for the liebster by francesca at http://bellamomento.blogspot.co.uk/. after you've read this post, please pop over to say hi and check out her blog!

the rules:

1. the tagged/nominated blogs must have under 200 followers

2. tag the blog that nominated you

3. let the people you tagged know so that they can respond to you

questions i was asked:

1. what is your favourite time of year?

definitely autumn. autumn's groovy. or maybe october, because it's my birthday month and i'm turning eighteen. whoa adult sam i know. it's not like i'm getting any more mature but that's another question. god i'm rambling. it's not great. sorry.

2. what is your favourite memory?

i don't really remember anything. i think it was me drawing a panda on my mom's cupboard. being the smart mother that she was / is, she didn't out me out, but she told me the panda looked lonely. being the "smart" kid that i was / am, i drew another. 

it's my favourite memory, because momma lee didn't yell at me and she thought being creative was very important. she's a great mother, i love her.

3. if you could be someone else for a day, who would you pick?

the most beautiful woman in the world. nice tattoos and a great body. i WANT to be her.

her. jenah yamamoto. aka gypsyone on tumblr. aka the most perfect woman on earth. she's great. if you want to know more about her: CLICK ME

4. what's your must have beauty product?

i wish i could say something like an eyeliner or like some moisturiser. however no, it's sleep. i love sleep. i know it's not a product but it's beauty related. i really like to sleep. 

haha on the seriously note though, it would be a nars' radiant creamy concealer. i would say i like having my eyeliner done more than concealing my spots, but i have such oily skin that anything would instantly smudge on me. no kidding. it's a hard life.

5. what can you not live without?

my camera. photography is a great passion of mine and i wish i could just be a photographer. papa lee said no to that idea and said i need to do law. so here i am, in high school doing english, maths and french, which prepare me for doing law in uni. it's great really.

i wish i were a photographer. so much. it's not funny.

6. & 7. when and why did you start blogging?

late jun / early july 2013, after my exams. i thought it would be a good idea for me to keep an online diary and to express myself on some kind of platform for people to see. i guess it's great, because i can meet people who think like me. i also get to improve my photographic skills. it's a few birds with just one stone.

8. what is your favourite item of clothing?

you can't possibly make me choose one. probably large jumpers and sweatshirts. i wear them off-shouldered. they're comfy, they're nice, they look good. i mean why not?

9. who is your fashion icon?

i would say tumblr and weheartit.com. i don't have someone i actually look up to and i just do whatever i want. however, when i want inspiration, i look on these sites.

10. who inspires you the most?

whoever lives their lives. i want to live my life so bad, but i feel like i'm just here doing nothing. i want to move somewhere and take photos. it'd be amazing. i won't have to wake up at a particular time. i won't have to worry about who i'd need to please or piss off.

i tag:

http://ledeuxmoulins.wordpress.com/

http://bellamomento.blogspot.co.uk/

http://alcamori.blogspot.co.uk/

(i don't really read that many new blogs)

questions:

1. what do you like most about yourself?

2. what is your favourite colour and why?

3. would you rather to not cut your hair ever again or to have your head shaved permanently?

4. chinese food or thai food?

5. what is your favourite movie?

6. what is your favourite band?

7. what is your favourite book?

8. where would you want to visit in the future?

9. do you think: "all is fair in love and war"?

10. if i paid you $1000000, would you twerk in public?

yeh have fun guys. you can always do it and then comment. yeh. peace

the autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place, and i can picture it after all these days

school has officially started and work's already starting to pile up. it's great being back, because looking on the bright side, it's my last year of high school and that's great. this means i can finally escape the crazy school routine (waking up at 6.30 every morning to make sure i look decent for school, say whaaat?) and all those high school dramas.

also, i have my own room this year and i'm quite enjoying it. i've always shared a room with my sister, because mom wanted us to be close. i'm not complaining, because i do love my sister a lot (hi, chloe.), but this is a new experience and it's all great really. now i have my own room, i started decorating it more. it's like my little one-roomed home, but i'm still loving it. well because i'm decorating, this means money's spent. i mean A LOT of money is spent, but i guess it'll be worth it. nothing beats being comfy in your own room / personal space.

first, i got myself a little teapot. it's quite pointless really, because of its size. i can fill one cup of tea with it and i don't know, it's probably better off just taking my cup instead of a small teapot. however, it just looks soooo cute. i can't possibly leave it alone in store.

an artsy photo of me pouring my tea. 

i also got myself a new pencil bag. it's YELLOW and it says PEN ORGY on it. how cool is that? i got in on urban outfitters and it might not be the most appropriate thing to take to classes, but as long as i like it, it'd be fine. i also like how big it is. i can almost fit all my pens in it.

life would suck if you're a ruler. you're not welcomed.

then there's my wall of photos. without this, my room would look sooo empty. it keeps me feeling secure at night. also, it safe-keeps my memories in a visible place. all from last year. i know. a lot happen in a year. too much sometimes. you know that moment when you look at some pictures and wonder why you aren't friends with that person anymore? that happens too often.

that little montage at the bottoms my favourite.

 one of the reasons why i like being in an all girls' boarding school is because girls do notice and they do care. one of my english friends decided to sneak into my room, steal and use a piece of my post-its, write something on it, and stick it on my laptop. sometimes i wish i were a man. it would make life easier. girls are so much easier to like than boys. ugh boys.

and the great gatsby trailer. it's great.

it's great being back in school. i guess this is a new start. work hard everyone!

she don't cook mashed potatoes, she don't cook t-bone steaks.

me and my friend have decided it would be a good idea to cook before school gets hectic and work piles up. so we've bought some ingredients to make spaghetti bolognese. first we got:

• 1 packet of minced beef
• 1 packet of spaghetti
• 1 onion (if you like onions, you can always get more; but we're cheap asses so we only got one)
• 1 jar of tomato sauce
• 1 tube of garlic puree

well, i'm not going to lie. i don't cook. i'm from hong kong, and bitches don't cook in hong kong. my friend however has always watched her mom cook, so she knows a little about it. this is our recipe and it's by no means the best, but if it worked for us beginners, it'll work for you.

1. you cut the onion into dices and then you fry them
i'm not going to lie, this is one of the easiest steps you can imagine, BUT make sure you have a super sharp knife, or else it would take you days. it took me and my friend 15 minutes just to cut half an onion. not cool.

add some oil (we used some weight-watchers normal oil we found in the communal kitchen) into the pan/saucer. add more if the onion pieces start to stick to the saucer. fry them until brown. simple.

2. you add the minced beef into the saucer and cook until it's not raw
by this time, the mix should start smelling nice and meaty. if you're vegetarian, i'm sorry, but i love my meat in my spaghetti.

so, as this is not my own kitchen, we lack the appropriate utensils. this should not be encouraged and we would be shot by a chef if he saw us cooking like this. however, if you're a student just like me, it doesn't matter as long as the utensils are clean. improvisation is very important when you have limited resources.

3. start cooking the spaghetti
translation to normal english: dump it in hot water and let it submerge into water until it's the softness of your preference. it took around 15 minutes for me and my friend to get to our optimum softness.

also, add a pinch of salt and some oil to prevent sticking. you don't want all your hard work go to waste, do you?

4. add tomato sauce and garlic puree

dump the tomato sauce into the meat mix. stir and let it simmer. we used dolmio tomato sauce. it's a little sweet if you ask me, but oh well i think it wasn't too bad. if you think the mix is a little tasteless, put some salt or some garlic puree. i like garlic, so i've put around half a tube in.

5. sift all excess water out from the spaghetti

it's almost done. don't worry. just make sure all water's sifted away. if not, you'll either make the meat mix less salty or more tasteless; or you'll get really soggy spaghetti. either way it's not great.

6. make it look pretty

most important step of all. all humans are very visual beings. if they see the good-looking food, they'll assume the food's actually good. 

now some artsy shots of spaghetti. enjoy :)

i can't say i haven't enjoyed the whole process. it's different and it makes myself so proud when i was eating the spaghetti. also men find women who can cook so much more attractive, so i guess spaghetti bolognese is a good starting point. bon appetite.

now and then i think of when we were together.

today's the day i'm leaving hong kong. saying goodbye's always hard, but this time even harder. not only am i saying goodbye to my family, but also to a small chunk of my past life.

you know that moment when you know something's coming to an end and you don't want it to? that basically describes my situation right now. time goes on, people change, feelings change too. a person once so important to you has to make way for others to come into your life. no matter how bad you want it to last and stay, it won't. time doesn't wait for anyone. 

that moment when you think you're ready to move on, but you aren't. then you look back and wonder what had gone wrong and what else would've happened. you want to cry, but you're so sad that no tears, nothing, comes out. you're so alone and no one can help you. 

am i upset? yes i am, but i'm glad it happened. one day in my life, i'll look back smiling and think: "thank you for loving me. at least someone loved me so much once."

love is one crazy thing. 

i have a dentist who's over seven feet tall

Now that you have had a chance to look over the photos, in the first one you might not have noticed that the lady has an extra finger on her hand. In the second one we have an extra arm resting on the guys shoulder and in the last one the guy is missing an ear. So what do you think? Was the add successful is demonstrating that food remaining on your teeth will draw more attention away from you than any physical defect?

i like my teeth clean

this shows my exact views on dental health care and hygiene. a nice smile is always more preferable than a dirty one. so i went with the rest of my siblings to our annual dentist appointment. my brother went first, as the guinea pig that he always has been, to get his teeth cleaned and polished. then it was my turn. it hurt quite a bit, as he drilled my gums with a driller to get the dirt out (gross i know, but hey i thought you'd want the details, even the gory ones). 

polishing was no big deal, it was like putting little rocks on your teeth and the dentist literally polished my teeth with them. the highlight of polishing is when you still have rocks in your mouth that you haven't rinsed out. it's like biting sand, but sweet sand. how cool is that?

yeh the process did hurt a bit and blood did gush out (again, gory details), but it was definitely worth it. the dentist said:"sam, you've got such white teeth. maybe if school doesn't work out, you can try being a toothpaste / teeth model!"

i hope school doesn't work out, so i can see my face on billboards and on buses. i'd be able to say and even scream:"i'm that famous teeth model. you see my teeth on buses and on billboards and even taxis!"

my teeth now sparkle under any kind of light. yes.

ラーメン博物館

so i went to japan for a few days and things went well. too well. i gained at least 5 pounds and i'm not even joking. i've learnt that money spent is directly proportional to the money spent. one of the highlights of the trip was definitely going to the momofuku ando instant ramen museum.

we didn't plan this. i dropped the guide on the ground and it opened on this page. talk about destiny and all that jazz, but it did happen. my brother decided he wanted some souvenirs for some friends, and so we went. going there really wasn't that big of a deal, but making our own cup noodles was just bomb. 

each of the noodle cup is 300 yen (about 24 HKD or 3 USD). not exactly expensive for a souvenir, but extremely expensive for a cup noodle. well as the big spenders that we are, our family got 18. we were also given big markers to draw on them and so we did. i'm just gonna say i'm a child at heart. the one that i've kept for myself looks like this.

front of my artwork

and the back of it.

i must say my design is rather dashing

18 of these. it was a pain to bring back home i must say.

after we've drawn on them, the processing begins. first, we were given the noodles. i mean if you aren't given the noodles, it defeats the point of just going there. however they first put the noodles in upside down, and the machine turns it over, so the noodles would be in the cup in the right way without sticking out. clever right? one of the good things about working in these corporates is that they do think of all the details. like pixar. if you don't know about my love for pixar, click ME to see it.

it's like a small cup-noodled ferris wheel

then it comes to packaging it. they use a plastic bag to seal everything, food and all. in order to make sure the bag is sealed and tight-fitted, they use a heating mechanism to make the plastic stick onto the cup. do i know the science behind? no i don't, but it sure looks good.

after it's all done, we get to put them in plastic bags that can be filled up with air and used as air sacs. another really clever invention by a japanese company. i approve, momofuku ando. kudos to you.

and there's me with all of the finished products

you might think: "sam, you've travelled half way across osaka to go to a museum and make instant noodles?"

well the answer to that is, yes i have. was i thrilled to have gone? well sort of, but not really. on the other hand, it was great, because my brother had so much fun. my brother is a very very sweet boy, who doesn't really mind going with us to anywhere as long as we are happy. this time round though, he was the one who told us he wanted to go and all, and i'm glad we did. to see the smile on my brother's face when the final product came out was priceless. too bad i didn't snap it down with my camera, but it was definitely worth every single penny.