because it's his bad luck to be the best

as a self-confessed movie addict, i tend to drift away from tv shows. it's not like they're not any good. i just assumed tv shows are less thought-through. then i came across hannibal.

from google images. googles just fantastic.

if you've heard of the silence of the lambs series by thomas harries, you would definitely know who hannibal lecture is. hannibal is a clever yet evil cannibalistic psychiatrist who is destined to be the rival of will graham, a special fbi agent. that's the most in depth i can go into without giving away any of the plot and to hide my lack of knowledge on the novels.

i have to say i have not accepted myself to be so hooked on the tv series. bryan fuller has done a fantastic job on portraying all characters with full details in 13 episodes. the details and set created are phenomenal. there's a scene in one of the beginning episodes, where a murderer's daughter comes home to see the word "cannibals" written on her garage door. even though the camera focuses on the daughter, we can see hannibal blurred out in the backgrounds.

let's be honest here though. i still haven't finished the series, as i cannot watch too many episodes a day. compared to the crazy rate i've gone through "fringe" (4 seasons in 3 days, crazy i know), i've spent a whole week watching one season, which is quite slow. i couldn't actually sleep after the first 6 episodes, giving me the hint that maybe i should either slow down or stop watching.

well to conclude, this is a time-worthy series and if you want something thrilling to watch, you know what to watch. just make sure you lock up doors at night to feel safer when you sleep at night.

when will i begin to live again?

one day i'll fly away,

leave all this to yesterday.

what more could your love do for me?

when will love be through with me?

why live life from dream to dream,

and dread the day when dreaming ends?

grandpa, take me back to yesterday, where the line between right and wrong didn't seem so hazy.

do i really want to grow up?

i've always wanted to grow up. growing up just seemed like the right thing to do. however, lately i've been having other thoughts. i don't even know if i'm the same person anymore.

my mother said "sam, do you not like coming home anymore? our views on life and things are just so different". i still like going home, but i cannot deny how much i've changed. the way i dress, the way i talk, the way i act.

anyways, growing up seems so much of a hassle right now. might just stop growing for a bit and just stay young. meeh i don't know.

http://thetangential.com/2011/10/12/things-about-adulthood-that-i-expected-would-be-way-cooler/

an oath to never stop loving movies

everytime i see something related to pixar or dreamworks, it upsets me. it's not that the movies aren't good or that i don't like them. it's because i like them too much. even since i had watched my first pixar movie toy story when i was a very young child, i've been hooked. the movies themselves are incredibly detailed and as a self-confessed movie addict, this is what i want to find in every movie.

my favourite animated movie is either how to train your dragon, up or rise of the guardians. doesn't matter how old i turn, i will still cry every time i watch these movies. no joke. how can you NOT cry when you see hiccup willing of giving up his life for his dragon, or when ellie dies, or when jamie can finally see jack frost? these movies aren't the most realistic of all movies, but they are the ones that touch my heart and remain memorable throughout my life.

little expressions and details. up is the best movie in the world

i've watched these movies so many times i can quote them. just like mean girls and she's the man. however, when you say "i can quote cartoons" out loud, it's not as respected as "i can quote mean girls and she's the man". people look at me like i'm three, but i don't care. sometimes staying innocent is just what i want. seriously i mean who wouldn't want to go to school everyday and still enjoy it? i don't hate school now, but i can't say i love every moment of it.

you might say, if you enjoy it that much, why won't you go work for pixar or something? crazily enough, i actually have thought about doing art, maths, physics and photography to do art in university, which means i would be able to maybe get a job in pixar. however, even though i'm passionate about it, it doesn't mean i'm good at it. art, in fact, is the subject i've done the worst in. also, a girl's gotta eat. therefore i gotta do what a person's gotta do to get money. that's why i've chosen to do law in uni. don't get me wrong. i do like law, but do i like it so much i'd want to spend every moment of the rest of my life doing it? hell no. yikes.

i love art and photography. i adore cinematography. however, it's not practical for me to do it in university. my father's got four kids, and if all his kids did an arts degree then a law conversion, he would die from all the money he would need to pay for our universities. some would say "if you've got a passion, go ahead and do it". i can't. i can't be selfish and just let my dad suffer. i know it won't do a lot, but every little helps when you have four kids who breathe in money.

however, nothing on this world and i stress NOTHING will ever make me stop loving animated movies, or even just movies. even though most people don't notice this, producers and directors put so much effort into these movies, months, sometimes even years, so people who watch these would have a good time. so dear producers, i salute you and i thank you, for making my childhood a better memory.

how can anyone not love this?

love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

i am a very lucky girl. i have a lovely family. i have friends who care. i have four beautiful dogs. unfortunately one of them fell ill late last year and she has been in a lot of pain since. for a whole week, she has been in bad condition; and since yesterday, she has stopped eating and hasn't slept. for those of you who don't have pets, having pets is just like having family. she's part of the family and we all care about her. my baby is suffering and it hurts when you see someone you care suffer and you can't do anything about it.

so here's to my baby girl. i'm in tears writing this, but it has to be done. without saying a goodbye note, i won't be able to let go. it breaks my heart, but i don't want to continue breaking yours by crying in front of you.

hi bebe,

baby girl, please don't be sad. even though it might be the end, it doesn't mean we will ever stop caring. you are, and always will be, the best dog in the world.

i still remember six years ago, on one warm summer evening, you came into our lives. you were so little, just about the size of my forearm. you jumped from sofa to sofa. you have been a great addition to the family. i remember how we've tried to settle on a name as well. there were little white, little mo, fat cat, and bebe. at the end, we chose bebe, because you were the baby of the family. your paws were about the size of my thumb.

then you grew. you were so tall and muscular. modelesque, mom once described as. even the slightest twitch was graceful. the way you jumped and welcomed us home when we turned the keys to the door would always be one of the sweetest things anyone would do to me. however, we got new dogs and we neglected you for such a long time. you've always been good, but we never noticed. i'm so sorry. i'm the worst owner you can ever find.

then you fell ill. i cried and cried in school when i got your news. i thought you were going to die. however a miracle happened. you lived. i remember coming home to you in christmas was just the best feeling ever. i thought we've cheated death. well, we have. just not for too long.

i honestly cannot write too much about the past, or else i won't be able to let go. i'm so happy you've waited for me before you sleep. you are the best dog i'll ever get. i don't want to let go. you're only six years old. why do you have to go? however, i can't be selfish. you're suffering and prolonging your life won't do you much good. i love you so much. we will always always remember you.

bebe, if it's too tiring, just close your eyes and sleep. it won't hurt a bit. we'll meet again, i promise. just because you're not here with us physically, doesn't mean you're not here with us in our hearts. bebe, it'll be a good sleep. you won't feel tired or hungry anymore. don't worry about us. we'll be fine. you will always be the best dog. you're not a dog to me anymore. you're my family. my little sister. even though we will be separated, it doesn't mean i'll stop loving you. i won't ever, even if i tried.

sleep well, my little angel. sweet dreams.

when you gonna live you life right?

hong kong. where do i start? let's just list some facts first.

• it's one of the smallest cities in the whole world
• it has an amazing railway service - and i mean it. it's greaaat.
• it's a beautiful place
• it's home

i went out for supper with a great friend today and we caught sight of the amazing skyline. he started teaching me how to properly use a camera. what to do when there's a lot of light. what to do when i don't want a shadow to look that way. i've always loved photography, but this has opened my eyes to a whole new world. photography gives me a fresh new perspective to see the world and i like that. 

i guess when one over-thinks, everything one sees, one can relate to life. that was what i was like when i took all these photos. photography is like life. you'd always want the best out of a photo. i want the light to hit the object in this direction and only on that area. i want that boat out of the way. i want to calm the waves. however what do you know what's the best until you've tried all ways?

"how do you know which shutter speed and what size of the aperture to use?"

"you don't. you just need to try until you get the best photo. you won't really know what is perfect until you've seen the imperfect ones and improve from them."

my friend is only four months older than me, yet he's so much more mature than i am. he doesn't just know how to survive, which is what i'm doing, but he's living his life. he knows what he wants and he works for it. i felt slightly ashamed when he was talking about how he picked up photography and learnt himself. i always say to myself: "sam, it's ok if you don't know how to, no one really taught you", but that's not the way to go. i'm not hungry enough to find the knowledge and learn it and make it mine.

i'm one of those kids, who never knows what she wants to do in the future. i have no special passion and no burning desire to study one particular subject in university. hence law. i do like law, but am i passionate about it? let's be honest, it's kinda hard to be passionate about a legal system. i'm still going to do it in university. i'm that kind of girl who prefers bread more than love. a girl's gotta eat you know.

however, now i know i'm passionate about something too. i want to live. i want to feel alive. photography takes me there. another reason why i love photography is that i like the fact that no photo i take would ever be the same as another. just like my experiences in life. not a single feeling is the same if you think about it. today i'm happy and satisfied. tomorrow i might be satisfied, but not happy. yesterday, i was happy, but not satisfied. i'm constantly changing, just like the photos i take. it's always about balancing everything out.

as i have mentioned in the last post i've written, i have been down and battered. i'm tired. i constantly feel sick of myself. sick of the fact that i can't even protect myself from the pain. when i looked through the viewfinder of my camera and saw the beautiful sea, the thought of just jumping in and terminating all the trouble i'm going through was very very tempting. then my friend said,

"it's hard to grab hold onto so dynamic and it's always easier to just choose something else, but there is a certain attractiveness to this."

i looked at him. in the future, when i'm sixty, i'll look back at this time of my life and i'll smile. i won't laugh, but i'll pat myself on the back for not ending everything right there. it is hard to be remembered and to leave a mark on the earth. it's easier to just end this all right there, but is it the best way? i haven't left my mark yet. i haven't experienced anything. i haven't lived.

it was time to go home and i looked one last time at the beautiful harbour. hong kong is such a beautiful place. not only is it beautiful, it has taught me so much. it's a place of hope and dreams. yesterday i was at the worst position in my whole life. today i'm doing well. tomorrow i'm going conquer the world. metaphorically. i won't go around shooting innocent civilians. pinky promise.

to the person who taught me how to take photos:

life is hard right now for you too. i know. just remember no matter how hard it is, it will pass. also the harder you've gone through, the easier the next obstacle will be. one day, when you're sixty and four months old, you and i will be standing at the same spot on the side of the harbour, talking how life's whizzed by and how memories last. you've taught me so much and inspired me so much. i cannot thank you enough. thank you. thank you for teaching me how to take photos. thank you for cheering me up today and giving me hope. thank you for sharing your darkest secrets with me. thank you for being alive and awesome. i cannot be more grateful to have you in my life. i don't just care about you. i respect you with all my heart.

don't forget how to relax. it's bad for your health to be too uptight. smile a little more. you look nicer with a smile hanging off your face. it takes 33 muscles to frown, but it only takes 13 to smile. you can also use 4 to slap that bitch hard if you want, but violence is not promoted in our society unfortunately. no matter what happens, even if the sky falls down, i would be there for you. just say it and i'll come to you. it's hard right now, but it'll be ok. i promise.

mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

i'm usually a really happy person, but recently things happened and i've been super down. one of the things that gets me the most is when someone isn't actually who you think they are. that feeling sucks, yet i experience it every single day. as the most gullible person you can ever meet (i'm not stupid. i'm just really really gullible), it beats me down. i think gullibility counts as a mistake, because the more often you find out about the truth of something, the more you wouldn't believe in someone / something or you would protect yourself. 

i swear that's not how i work. i'm like a goldfish. three-seconded memory. i forget how people can hurt me and as soon as they're nice to me, i go all in. i'm trying really really hard to be nice to people and civilised to my enemies, but people just don't really see it. sometimes i just wish i can be some kind of animal e.g. a dog, then i can run away from all these. alas, i'm not. i'm a human being and human beings do not survive well alone. 

on the subject of being alone, i've never felt more alone in my life. i know i've got my family, i've got my friends, i've got a home, i've got school, i've got things i like. i should be so damn happy. but i'm not. i know, i have everything. i'm a lucky one. i wake up healthy everyday and that is the greatest gift god has ever given me. if god exists. if there's a god, he would notice my pain and what i'm going through. don't get me wrong. i'm not starting the huge debate whether if god exists or if he loves me or not, but god, if you're listening to me right now, i'm in a lot of pain, help me. i can't go through this alone. what i'm going through isn't as hard as what some people go through on a daily basis, but it sure is persistent. sometimes i prefer something harder but shorter. i tend to forget pain anyways, so to me it's not as much of a big deal than persistence. 

you might now think that i hate everyone and that i'm a hateful and spiteful bitch. honestly, i'm not. people i call my enemies i don't actually consider them that. it's just a shorter version to me of friend-who-doesn't-like-me-and-we-don't-get-along. if people who hate me all of a sudden tell me that they love me, i'll go running head over heels to them. i wish everyone good. life's too short to be hateful. it's tiring and annoying for myself anyways. don't think of me as too selfless. i'm not that either. i just don't like holding grudges. however, this isn't the case for most people. people hate and they hurt others. i guess everyone's a victim. just like everyone in means girls are victimised by regina george. however that doesn't mean i'm going to be regina. i prefer being janis ian. the one who's gone through a lot but would end up with people who genuinely care.

maybe i'm over-thinking this again. i have a tendency to over-think before bed. besides a lot has actually happened in the duration of 2 / 3 weeks. i'm not mature; i'm only seventeen. i need a break from all this, and i think well actually a summer internship in a law firm is actually good for me. first i get to know more people. second i've learnt quite a bit. third, i can run away from home. i love home, but when one of my dogs now is actually diagnosed with cancer, i don't want to go home. i don't want to see her suffer. yep, i'm definitely over-thinking this. hey, but who doesn't love a thinker? we're the ones who get things done and makes the world go around. 

who knows what life is going to be like in, hell, five seconds, five minutes, five years or even five decades. all i know right now is that i've got my family to rely on and i'm not a very bad person. i might not be the person you like the most. i might even be the person you hate. this whole post might not even make any sense to you, but it's the way i've processed the data in my brain and what you feel right now, is exactly what i've felt. it might not be good, but it's raw and real.

this was going to be a short rant before bed, but it's transformed into an essay-like stream of consciousness. yet at the end of the day, i know i've got myself and if everything goes wrong, i can always go somewhere else, with my camera and my optimism. my only enemy is that little voice inside my head, but i'm not worried. i've got a whole lifetime to battle and learn to live with it. maybe that voice needs a little love too, that's all.

it's all about food

food. where do i start? well let's start with my opinion on food. i've never been picky with food, but when it comes to the food i like, i just can't stop. hence my body size. however, if you'd let me choose, i would always choose to eat (a lot) and then exercise (a little). i mean, you're not here on earth for a long time, so why not enjoy yourself and eat whatever you like? also, i bet guys like girls who are cuddly and chubby, like teddy bears. who would rather going home to a stick than to a polar bear? well, i'm the polar bear. i know this is an excuse for myself to ignore the fact that i'm gaining some pounds, but i'm happy.

so what is your favourite food? my brother's fave is definitely chocolate. i have never seen anyone gobble up chocolate as quickly as my brother. he's practically the chocolate black hole. well for me it's cupcakes, especially cookies and cream ones. *drooling* i can eat it anytime, anywhere, with anyone, in any way. i'm not exaggerating. i'm usually a savoury person, and i do appreciate it when people give me food. however, if you want to win me over, my heart and soul, it's cupcakes. 

so me and my friend / wife, jade, hung out the other day and we found a cupcakery in tsim sha tsui. surprise surprise i had to sit down for some. i got a cookie monster, while jade got a pepperminty-chocolate one. even just thinking about devouring that cupcake is making my mouth water. if i could marry cupcakes, i would. i mean why not? that means if i eat my spouse, i'll be able to marry more. there would never be a day when i've had enough of cupcakes. 

perfection on a plate

my usual creepy friend posing with cupcakes

today is my first day of work and i didn't want to be late, so i've decided to leave home earlier. i wouldn't say i arrived too much earlier than the time i should've. i was only one whole hour early, and as per usual, being the dumbo that i am, i didn't bring any sort of entertainment with me. a whole hour, sixty minutes, three thousand six hundred seconds. thinking "well maybe i'm a little hungry, i should get some breakfast", i strolled into starbucks and ordered myself a small hot chocolate.

"miss, what's your name?"

"sam. my name is sam."

then i proceeded to sit down at the nearest table. around ten minutes later, one of the barristas called out "a small hot chocolate". i looked around, thinking "hmm, someone has good taste", but no one came forward for it. so i got up and looked at it. miss tam. not me. i sat down. sam, tam. sounds kinda similar, doesn't it? then i realised: maybe i'm the miss tam. people don't usually call me sam, even though i insist on people calling me that. sammy, sammie, samcho, samancho, sam lee. but never sam. i guess also i'm in hong kong and people are not used to girls having guy names. thank you starbucks, for changing my surname. it sure made my day.

i'm loving my new surname. sam tam. awesome.

after losing self-control not constraining myself from any of my comfort food, i met up with another friend, janice, for supper.

"sam, i'm gaining weight"

"don't be silly, you're not. you're as skinny as a stick."

"i have a boat party in october and i wanna look good."

damn. looking at my friend who is about half my size, all i really wanted to do at that time was just to hide in a corner with a tub of ice cream and to never see the light of day again. i'm turning eighteen in october and damn, i want to look good too. "let's eat salad" i suggested, feeling super-duper guilty about all the food i had in the past week. maybe it's time for me to shed some weight. don't get me wrong, i feel happy eating; but i think it's about time i faced the truth. it's about time i should lose some weight and control my appetite.

so we went to this cool place for salad. it's nice there and i loved the salad i had. maybe it's not that bad dieting and living a healthier lifestyle. i know i said earlier that i think guys like chubby and cute-looking girls, but really who am i kidding? before they want you fat to scare other guys off, they'd want you as hot as a victoria secret model, which i'm nowhere near. so i guess the way to go right now is to eat super healthy. super healthy doesn't mean yucky food. it means food with less oil, sugar, salt and all kinds of harmful substances. i've just got to learn to embrace it.

my healthy chicken-roasted-garlic-onions salad. it's actually pretty amazing

but this doesn't mean i'm giving up on cupcakes. i will NEVER give up cupcakes. ever.

a little rant before bed

technology has improved immensely in the past few decades and so many people are to be thanked because of that. however who is the smart person who thought the idea of putting "last seen", "read at" and "last online" in messages? that person i'd like to thank your face with my fist. 

first of all, as a frequent message sender, i know the fear of people not replying and not seeing my message. back in those days when we didn't have anything but just plain messages, i could always assume the receiver has not read it. however nowadays i can't assume, because i would be able to check whether the person has read or has been online and is just deliberately ignoring me or not. i'm not going to lie, but it hurts when i know you're just not replying to me. 

second, i might be just as selfish and not want to read my messages. doesn't everyone want a day or two sometimes just to be alone and shut the world out? now that the genius has added this function in, i can't not reply to a person, because i've been online. sometimes in order to not be a bitch, i just don't reply to anyone. socializing is very tiring and i really do need a break from people sometimes you know. 

this is really starting to bother me, but then again everything is. i can't blame it on the people, because they're my friends and i do love them to bits. it's just sometimes i prefer the olden days, when everything was handwritten and just more precious. i miss getting letters from people and i like nice handwriting. it's always an awesome bonus when you open a card and see the person writing put effort into it. 

or it might just be the heat and the humidity. or even fatigue. anyways, rant over, so goodnight world. peace out. 

why, sometimes i believe six impossible things before breakfast

one of the biggest problems i need to deal with after i've come home is definitely jet lag. for you those who don't really know what jet lag is, it messes you over and makes you hungry at the wrong timings. not good. jet lag usually lasts for around 1 week for me. quelle horreur, je sais. so for a whole week, i sleep at 3 in the morning and wake up at 10. this doesn't sound that bad, but when everyone else in the family wakes up at 7 and sleeps at 11 at night, it's a problem.

so this morning, when i was still in the state between having consciousness and just down right dead, i felt my phone vibrate. i looked at it. it's my brother.

"sam, me and chloe are having breakfast at oliver's super sandwiches, do you want something?"

"ermm, what's there in the shop for breakfast?"

"i'll send you the menu and you can decide, yeh?"

so then my brother sent me a whole 5-paged breakfast menu. i chose the one i wanted and started messing about. around twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang and in came my brother, with a plastic bag in his hand. 

"you didn't tell me what you wanted to drink, so i decided you might enjoy a chocolate"

i know it's just a breakfast and it's not usually a big thing. however when everything else goes against your plan and someone shows them they care, it's impossible to not feel grateful. i know most of the time sometimes siblings can be a pain in the ass, they do care and they are the ones you can rely on. 

a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. i guess it's just the same with women. it's always good to start the day with a good breakfast, because it gives you the energy. arnold schwarzenegger once said: "my body is like breakfast, lunch and dinner. i don't think about, i just have it." you are what you eat, so go ahead and get something nice for breakfast. it'll do you wonders.

the chocolate my brother has decided i might enjoy. i couldn't finish the whole thing but it was nice

that looks so yummy. i won't mind eating another.

keep calm and relax my ass off

summer has officially started for me and so i packed my bags/suitcases and hopped onto a plane to hong kong, which is home. even though i am sad about leaving school and my friends behind, it's just great going back home and spending time with my family. so when i saw my mom and co. at the airport, i was over the moon. 

the heat in hong kong is almost unbearable, so i had chosen to go straight back home right after my flight journey to just shower and sort out my life basically. the air-conditioning is on and it felt like heaven in the flat. then this grabbed my attention.

my poor sofa. apparently the new ones on its way. thank god.

someone has broken the sofa. after a long period of interrogation, i found out that my brother and my god-brother are the culprits. boys boys boys. apparently my brother was on the sofa, watching tv, while my god-brother decided it was a good idea to just sit on my brother. well i think not.

as you can see in the next picture, i have successfully marked my territory at home with my laptop and other random bits of items i own. i mean there are four kids at home, so if i don't move fast, i won't get anywhere to just sit down and chill on my laptop. this does in fact feel a little like a dog peeing over land to show the others who's boss. in my household, i am.

i'm proud to announce sam is the winner of the pissing contest.

 my brother's favourite spot in the whole flat for sure. there's actually a reason why it is though. if you look straight, you see the ginormous tv with all kinds of game consoles and machines and whatnots. if you look right, you see the view of the balcony and sometimes a little strip of sunset. if you look left, you look directly into the kitchen / the food prepared. the science of choosing where to sit.

i then ventured into my room next. in order to make it more homey, i've lit a candle and it's still sitting quietly in a corner burning away. it smells like lemon tarts. i mean why not? even though it's meant to be a christmas scent, it's my (and my sister's) room, so i'm just going to do whatever i want unless momma lee gets involved (she never plays fair).

ain't this cute? my little baby fisheye-lomography-colourful-cutsy film camera that hangs off my keys. might have to get if off my keys though. last time when i had them on, i couldn't open the doors, because my hands were too small to handle that bundle in my hand. did i mention i have a teddy bear about the size of a tennis ball hanging off my keys? haha maybe not.

my little fish eye <3 it actually takes picture.

this is the intellectual corner. just looking at it makes me feel smart. sadly my sister has contributed into this little pile. right now i need to get on and just read as much as i can. next book on the reading list: paradise lost - john milton.

as you can see, there's quite a lot for me to go through. but hell, i've got a whole summer.

i have decided to add a photo of me dressing up as a bride when i was a child. my mom has always wanted me to get married and to have a family of my own. do i want that? hell i don't know, i'm only seventeen and i refuse to make life-changing decisions (other than university choices). but yeh, here is a photo of me fancy-dressing. i was very very cute.

looooook at those chubby chubby cheeks. god i was adorable

home slippers. may i just add, these are the smallest pair i can find in the whole flat and now they're mine. my preeeecious. it's not like anyone's got big feet in the family. my mom and my sister are a size 36. i'm a 37. my dad's a 38. my brother's a 41. my god-brother's a 43. but look at these, i swear they're like a size 50 or whatsoever. doesn't mean i don't love them though. they're just so comfy.

white and oversized slippers. gotta love anything oversized <3

although coming home is a wonderful thing, something always happens against our wills and we humans, who have no control over matters like these, call it misfortunes. however in my case, it's worse and more serious than just misfortune. one of my four dogs is in hospital and in critical conditions. she has a malfunctioning liver and i don't even know if she is actually alright or not right now. to those who don't have any pets, pets are just like family, and i really don't know what to do without any single one of mine.

bebe, if you can hear me, don't worry about anything. i'm home now and i'll come see you tomorrow. be strong my baby girl. i promise it won't be as hard as the last time you were in hospital. you can show them who's the boss and come home healthy. it's just another obstacle and you'll be fine. i'll get a cake and we can celebrate when you're out. i love you and stay strong girl. come home soon, we all miss you.

my baby girl when she was healthy. you'll do great. i have faith in you.

summer's begun and i'm planning to just enjoy myself. it's not like i'm always home. also it's the last summer before i turn eighteen / legal. whooop can't wait. so right now i'm going to relax and just let everything run its course. summer here i come.

goodbye 3.9

as a lower sixth, i share a room with a fellow roommate (a.k.a. sasha) and tomorrow is the day we bid each other farewell. i'll just show you what my room looked like in two/three days ago when i started packing for home (a.k.a. hong kong).

let me warn you before you scroll down, it is not a pretty sight. you might want to take a rain check or even click that little red cross in the corner. it's not usually this bad. i promise. mom if you're reading this, it's the packing. i'm usually really really clean.

behold. my room / working area

my sleeping area with my beautiful board (that is falling apart)

desk. don't ask. i can't don't use it often

i know right. i'm actually ashamed of my room a while ago. however, my room looks absolutely different now and empty. what gets me is that a whole year has whizzed by and i've only got one year of high school left. quelle horreur. 

it's not the fact that i'm leaving high school that is dreading me. on the contrary it's quite a delightful thought. no more drama and i get to leave this hell hole. it's the thought that i should be starting my university application. yikes.

back to the main point, i have tidied my room and it's as neat as a pin now. or even better. i've never been a clean person but this has changed the way i see myself. maybe i can actually be organised and neat. you don't believe me? see for yourself. 

my now-available workspace

all books gone. packed away in me suitcase ;D

this is so empty its ridiculous

 the only thing left out in my room is my bedding. it'll be gone by tomorrow. it's actually making me sad.

i guess it happens all the time, people coming and going. however when it's happening to me, i just can't help to feel sad. even though i'm happy to be off to summer and home, i'm leaving so many memories behind. thank you everyone, it has been a good year.

the best dorm in the whole school ever in history. 

goodbye 3.9, thank you for all the good memories.

thank you sasha. thank you for making my exam-filled term bearable. thank you for making me feel like i'm normal sometimes. thank you for bearing with me this whole time, even when i've been horrible. thank you just for everything. thank you for being awesome this whole time. thank you for just existing and being in my life. thank you for dancing with me in my pants. without you i won't know how to survive this term on my own. you have made my school year truly bearable and memorable. i love you, my cookie and no one will EVER replace your position in my life.

thank you everyone who has made me feel loved and belonged. i know this is cliché but without everyone, i won't be the same person as i am today. i guess i'm that kind of person who won't think and appreciate until i say or get it out of my system.

this has been a truly extraordinary year. thank you all.

bring it on year 13. i'm gonna kick your ass.

a letter from a daughter to her mother

dear mom,

i hope you're having an awesome day. i'm not a very eloquent person and not a very great daughter. i'm too timid to say this right to your face, so i'm doing this here. 

happy birthday! i'm sorry i can't be here today for your big day. i'd just want to wish you a good coming year and that may all the sorrows be gone. i know i have been a shit difficult daughter, but all i want to say is that i do really love you, from the bottom of my heart. i promise. 

let's make a list of all the things i've upset you and how i'm going to improve:

• going out too often - i promise i'd go out less, and be more of a couch potato
• eating all the snacks at home - i won't eat less, but i'll remind you to get more food
• getting too many movies on iTunes - i'll rent them and i'll save money
• dying my hair part blonde - never will i make that mistake again. asian and proud
• spending too much in general - but hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do
• being insensitive - i'll try to notice more
• not calling home enough - there's no way to dodge this, my bad. i'll call home more often
• sleeping too much - you all who don't know me in person, it's a problem. no joke. i'll sleep less
• getting tattoos without you knowing - but now that the cat's out of the bag. i'll tell you if i get more

last but not least:

• i'll be a better daughter, i'd care more and i'll notice. i'll tell you what i feel like and i'll listen to you. i promise i'll be the best daughter you'll ever come across. i'll spend more time with you, not because it's the right thing to do, but because i want to and i care.

mommy, i do love you, even though sometimes i don't show it (it's hard sometimes when i'm not home, i promise i'll try to show it more often). you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. or let's say without you, there won't be me. you're the reason why i am who i am today and i thank lord for giving you to me, instead of some other crappy mother (not that i know if she'd be crappy or not, but hell, she's not you, so yeh she'd be crappy). i am so lucky i got you as my mother and i love you.

you're the most beautiful women i've ever met. nothing will ever change this and you're the most important person in my world. for you birthday, i wish you good health and good humour all the time, so you'll be able to one day in the far future see your grandchildren and joke about my ever horizontal-growing body. because it's a mother-daughter thing to joke about each other's sizes :)

mommy, you've probably heard this enough today, but happy birthday one last time. i hope you'd have a wonderful day and i love you. always.

with lots of love and kisses,

mobee

she is the combination of sexy and cute. original i know.

mommy, you're so beautiful. i wish you can see it more often.

daddy and mommy are the cutest couple i've ever seen. i love you both.

us now, the whole family

momma with long hairr <3

momma and my baby <3 aren't they just so cute 

a family picture 7 years ago. minus the oh-so-annoying god-bro. mommy you look the same now. you don't look a day over twenty

disclaimer: all these pictures have never ever been seen anywhere. momma, if you see these pictures, i have taken a long time to choose them so please please don't make me take them down. you're a beautiful woman and i want the world to see.