the way you're holding on to me makes me feel like i can't breathe. just let me go, just let me go.

the heart can only take so much. sometimes i wish i can shut my feelings off and not ever feel again. 

moving on is hard, but seeing someone move on before you is even harder. it feels like something's weighing you down on the insides. you won't have the energy to do anything. to continue on with your life. to live. 

you act like everything's fine, but you know it isn't and there's nothing you can do about it. you cry yourself to sleep at night and wish for a better day, but it never comes. 

the heart can only take so much. i think i'm at my limit. 

keep calm and relax my ass off

summer has officially started for me and so i packed my bags/suitcases and hopped onto a plane to hong kong, which is home. even though i am sad about leaving school and my friends behind, it's just great going back home and spending time with my family. so when i saw my mom and co. at the airport, i was over the moon. 

the heat in hong kong is almost unbearable, so i had chosen to go straight back home right after my flight journey to just shower and sort out my life basically. the air-conditioning is on and it felt like heaven in the flat. then this grabbed my attention.

my poor sofa. apparently the new ones on its way. thank god.

someone has broken the sofa. after a long period of interrogation, i found out that my brother and my god-brother are the culprits. boys boys boys. apparently my brother was on the sofa, watching tv, while my god-brother decided it was a good idea to just sit on my brother. well i think not.

as you can see in the next picture, i have successfully marked my territory at home with my laptop and other random bits of items i own. i mean there are four kids at home, so if i don't move fast, i won't get anywhere to just sit down and chill on my laptop. this does in fact feel a little like a dog peeing over land to show the others who's boss. in my household, i am.

i'm proud to announce sam is the winner of the pissing contest.

 my brother's favourite spot in the whole flat for sure. there's actually a reason why it is though. if you look straight, you see the ginormous tv with all kinds of game consoles and machines and whatnots. if you look right, you see the view of the balcony and sometimes a little strip of sunset. if you look left, you look directly into the kitchen / the food prepared. the science of choosing where to sit.

i then ventured into my room next. in order to make it more homey, i've lit a candle and it's still sitting quietly in a corner burning away. it smells like lemon tarts. i mean why not? even though it's meant to be a christmas scent, it's my (and my sister's) room, so i'm just going to do whatever i want unless momma lee gets involved (she never plays fair).

ain't this cute? my little baby fisheye-lomography-colourful-cutsy film camera that hangs off my keys. might have to get if off my keys though. last time when i had them on, i couldn't open the doors, because my hands were too small to handle that bundle in my hand. did i mention i have a teddy bear about the size of a tennis ball hanging off my keys? haha maybe not.

my little fish eye <3 it actually takes picture.

this is the intellectual corner. just looking at it makes me feel smart. sadly my sister has contributed into this little pile. right now i need to get on and just read as much as i can. next book on the reading list: paradise lost - john milton.

as you can see, there's quite a lot for me to go through. but hell, i've got a whole summer.

i have decided to add a photo of me dressing up as a bride when i was a child. my mom has always wanted me to get married and to have a family of my own. do i want that? hell i don't know, i'm only seventeen and i refuse to make life-changing decisions (other than university choices). but yeh, here is a photo of me fancy-dressing. i was very very cute.

looooook at those chubby chubby cheeks. god i was adorable

home slippers. may i just add, these are the smallest pair i can find in the whole flat and now they're mine. my preeeecious. it's not like anyone's got big feet in the family. my mom and my sister are a size 36. i'm a 37. my dad's a 38. my brother's a 41. my god-brother's a 43. but look at these, i swear they're like a size 50 or whatsoever. doesn't mean i don't love them though. they're just so comfy.

white and oversized slippers. gotta love anything oversized <3

although coming home is a wonderful thing, something always happens against our wills and we humans, who have no control over matters like these, call it misfortunes. however in my case, it's worse and more serious than just misfortune. one of my four dogs is in hospital and in critical conditions. she has a malfunctioning liver and i don't even know if she is actually alright or not right now. to those who don't have any pets, pets are just like family, and i really don't know what to do without any single one of mine.

bebe, if you can hear me, don't worry about anything. i'm home now and i'll come see you tomorrow. be strong my baby girl. i promise it won't be as hard as the last time you were in hospital. you can show them who's the boss and come home healthy. it's just another obstacle and you'll be fine. i'll get a cake and we can celebrate when you're out. i love you and stay strong girl. come home soon, we all miss you.

my baby girl when she was healthy. you'll do great. i have faith in you.

summer's begun and i'm planning to just enjoy myself. it's not like i'm always home. also it's the last summer before i turn eighteen / legal. whooop can't wait. so right now i'm going to relax and just let everything run its course. summer here i come.

a letter from a daughter to her mother

dear mom,

i hope you're having an awesome day. i'm not a very eloquent person and not a very great daughter. i'm too timid to say this right to your face, so i'm doing this here. 

happy birthday! i'm sorry i can't be here today for your big day. i'd just want to wish you a good coming year and that may all the sorrows be gone. i know i have been a shit difficult daughter, but all i want to say is that i do really love you, from the bottom of my heart. i promise. 

let's make a list of all the things i've upset you and how i'm going to improve:

• going out too often - i promise i'd go out less, and be more of a couch potato
• eating all the snacks at home - i won't eat less, but i'll remind you to get more food
• getting too many movies on iTunes - i'll rent them and i'll save money
• dying my hair part blonde - never will i make that mistake again. asian and proud
• spending too much in general - but hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do
• being insensitive - i'll try to notice more
• not calling home enough - there's no way to dodge this, my bad. i'll call home more often
• sleeping too much - you all who don't know me in person, it's a problem. no joke. i'll sleep less
• getting tattoos without you knowing - but now that the cat's out of the bag. i'll tell you if i get more

last but not least:

• i'll be a better daughter, i'd care more and i'll notice. i'll tell you what i feel like and i'll listen to you. i promise i'll be the best daughter you'll ever come across. i'll spend more time with you, not because it's the right thing to do, but because i want to and i care.

mommy, i do love you, even though sometimes i don't show it (it's hard sometimes when i'm not home, i promise i'll try to show it more often). you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. or let's say without you, there won't be me. you're the reason why i am who i am today and i thank lord for giving you to me, instead of some other crappy mother (not that i know if she'd be crappy or not, but hell, she's not you, so yeh she'd be crappy). i am so lucky i got you as my mother and i love you.

you're the most beautiful women i've ever met. nothing will ever change this and you're the most important person in my world. for you birthday, i wish you good health and good humour all the time, so you'll be able to one day in the far future see your grandchildren and joke about my ever horizontal-growing body. because it's a mother-daughter thing to joke about each other's sizes :)

mommy, you've probably heard this enough today, but happy birthday one last time. i hope you'd have a wonderful day and i love you. always.

with lots of love and kisses,

mobee

she is the combination of sexy and cute. original i know.

mommy, you're so beautiful. i wish you can see it more often.

daddy and mommy are the cutest couple i've ever seen. i love you both.

us now, the whole family

momma with long hairr <3

momma and my baby <3 aren't they just so cute 

a family picture 7 years ago. minus the oh-so-annoying god-bro. mommy you look the same now. you don't look a day over twenty

disclaimer: all these pictures have never ever been seen anywhere. momma, if you see these pictures, i have taken a long time to choose them so please please don't make me take them down. you're a beautiful woman and i want the world to see.